
ni 



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PS 3509 
j.B5 P6 
|1912 
Copy 1 



Copyright 1912 by A. B. EBIN 

"PORTIA IN POLITICS" 



A PLAY IN THREE ACTS 



By A. B. EBIN 



Author of "Roosevelt," Mariageables," "Fedia," "Arbitration,' 
"The Compromising Photo," Etc., Etc. 



CHARACTERS 

1. The President of the United States. 

[Known as the Colonel after the first act.] 

2. Secretary to the President. 

3. Major [Military Secretary and 

Door-keeper at the White House]. 

4. Senator from New York. 

5. Marquis Maurice De Leville. 

6. Democratic Reporter. 

7. Republican Reporter. 

8. Independent Democratic Reporter. 

9. Progressive Republican Reporter. 

10. Thomas, Butler at Portia's. 

11. And PORTIA. 



TIME— The Present. 



First Act — President's Ofifice, Washington, D. C, 1903. 
Second Act — Portia's House, New York, June, 1910. 
Third Act — Portia's House, New York, November 8, 1910. 

Notice. — The parts of Major and Thomas can easily be 
doubled. The first act of this play can be produced very ef- 
fectively with seven people and as a complete work by itself. 



"PORTIA IN POLITICS" 

Act One 

The President's office at the White House, Washington, D. 
C. Facing audience C. are three windows, looking South, 
decorated with olive curtains. A leather carved divan un- 
derneath the windows and mahogany chairs at its sides. 
Through the windows are seen the whitehouse grounds, the 
top of the monument in the distance, over the back screen 
of a tennis court. 

Sliding doors R. & L. U. E. A flat top desk with drawers 
on both sides centre lower stage, chair with a rather low 
back near it. On the desk an Abraham Lincoln inkstand. 
an art nouveau lamp ; blotting pad, folded documents, and a 
few books at the other end of desk. 

On the right of desk, facing audience is a fire-place, mantel 
above it, a few logs of wood near it, poker, tongs, etc. In 
the corner there is an old rifle and next to it an imposing 
globe. 

On the mantel a tiny clock, a framed autograph of the 
sonnet "Opportunity" and a photo of a bear on its R. and 
Left. 

On the wall above mantel a framed oil painting of Abraham 
Lincoln. 

A leather covered rocking chair not far from the globe. 
Connecting with this room on the right is the cabinet room. 
Through the folding doors when open is seen the head of 
the great table around which the President's advisers as- 
semble. The President's fauteuil taller than the rest is 
more conspicuous than the other chairs. 
Electric light bulbs on the walls and a cluster of electric 
lights in the middle of the ceiling. 

The walls are covered with dark olive burlap and the wopd- 
work is ivory. 

[See photos on hand to assure correct historical accuracy.] 
"The room contains no emblems of office, and on the whole 



'CI.D 31724 



>i ACT ONE 

'^ <^i3 this room of about 30 feet long and wide is striking in its 
'^^v -^simplicity and lack of decorations. 

V-) "^ It is a scene of democratic setting, in keeping with the 
spirit of its occupant. 

As the curtain rises the sliding doors are closed, curtains 

drawn and room empty. 

The room is in semi-darkness. 

[Enter Major — Door L. U. E.] 

A tall man, over six feet, about fifty-five years old, in uni- 
form and eyeglasses, conscious of his importance; three 
medals on his breast, watchfulness in his eyes, and two big 
bunches of American Beauties in his hands ; as he enters 
the room placing them on the President's desk. Replacing 
the books on table to their respective positions and putting 
the finishing touches to the room generally. Drawing the 
curtains and opening the windows, letting in the light and 
sunshine. 

Places the flowers, one bouquet on the President's desk, the 
other in a glass of water on mantel ; moves towards exit 
Left, as the 

SECRETARY ENTERS 

The Secretary is a well groomed man of about thirty. He 
looks more of a gentleman than a business man, and more 
of both than the typical private Secretary. Like the Major 
and his Chief, he is another chartered member of the Eye- 
glass Fraternity. Carries several folded documents and 
open letters which he places C. of President's desk, then 
handing a printed list of appointments for the day to the 
Major. 

MAJOR [Glancing through the list — worried]. This prom- 
ises to be a busy forenoon, every minute accounted for by a 
definite appointment. . .Yet the crowd on the outside is very 
large. There are all sorts and conditions of men in the long 

line outside, from the ends of the earth and the islands of 
the sea. .. [Pause] What am I to do with them? 

SECRETARY. Send them away. .. [emphatically] .. .all 
of them. These raiders upon the President's treasury of 
favors. 



PORTIA IN POLITICS 

MAJOR [Protestingly . Many of them are men and 
women exalted with patriotic enthusiasm and sentiment. I 
love to watch the expression of their faces as they clasp his 
warm hand and look into his smiling eyes. 

SECRETARY. They will have to excuse us for once, 
and if you are called down, as you will be, well. .. [pause] 
blame it on me. . .1 will take what comes— soothing syrup or 
dynamite. 

MAJOR [Good-naturedly]. Blame it on the Secretary, 
as usual, as usual... Well, my job is not easy, but I don't 
envy you yours. .. [pause] at least, I know that I could not 
hold it for a single day. 

I will send them away and [gaining courage] shoulder 
the responsibility. . . [Aside] I dare say it will be dynamite. 
[Moves towards exit then returns]. There is one unlisted 
visitor to whom I take exception ... a Correspondent of the 
Associated Press of Europe, who is most emphatic in de- 
manding an audience. 

SECRETARY [With a politeness which is natural to 
him]. 

Any other day we shall be most happy, but to-day. . . 
to-day. . . [pause], tell her that I have her credentials, but to- 
day the President. . .the President... 

MAJOR [Plaintively]. I know, I know, I have tried it 
on and it doesn't work, I have tried everything. 

SECRETARY [Annoyed]. [Bus.] 

Very well [bus.], me for a grilling by the wrinkled old 
woman... say that the President is out, but. . .[Rising in 
his seat and placing himself in attitude, sardonically] if his 
Secretary wUl do, I shall be most happy. [Resuming fin- 
gering the papers on table as Major exits.] 

[The Major reappears at the door.] 

[Enter Portia.] 

[She is a beautiful woman of about twenty-eight, making 
demands on one's curiosity, one of the exceptions of her 
sex who combine rare beauty and intellect; the joy of life 
smile of youth, the keen eye of experience, possessing all 
the necessary qualifications of the trained Interviewer.] 



ACT ONE 

SECRETARY [Leisurely lifting his eyes from his paper, 
then promptly rising to receive her, her card in his L. hand, 
shaking hands, motioning her to a chair and seatmg himself in 
another nearest to desk. With a twinkle of the eye.] 

Your journalistic reputation has preceded you all the way 
from England, well, this is courageous, and it is indeed a 
pleasure, a very great pleasure. Anything I can do to assist 
you in your work to study the methods of our government, 1 
shall be only too glad. 

PORTIA [Glancing about the room, evidently comparing 

ir her own mind this simplicity of surroundings with the pomp 

and glitter of European courts— bowing in acknowledgment.] 

You have made me very happy. . .1 know I shall need your 

help. 

[Reflectively]. You see in England with all the glitter 
which accompanies Court functions, the King is but a nonentity 
with hardly power enough to name his own household ser- 
vants Here, in soite of your democratic surroundings, we 
are told that your President controls 200,000 government em- 
ployees, receiving an annual salary of over two hundred mill- 
ion dollars. Your President is absolute Commander of the 
Army and Navy, his vote is equal to two-thirds of Congress 
and every government department is under his thumb, so to 
speak. 

SECRETARY [Reflectively]. The power of our Presi- 
dent is undoubtedly great, yet it is not without its checks and 
limitations... [Consulting the printed list of engagements be- 
fore him ] The President lives in a glass house, he can hardly 
blow his nose, nor go out to lunch without exciting impatient 
criticism. 

PORTIA [Pleasantly]. This of course is merely a figure 
of speech. Surely, in a democracy like yours, everybody is 
free and his movements are unchecked, particularly the 
President. 

SECRETARY [Earnestly]. My remarks are not figura- 
tive but absolute... [displaying his printed list of engage- 
ments ] To illustrate, today the President will lunch with a 
man by the name of Washington, a gentleman of refinement 
and national reputation, but whose skin is a shade darker than 
that of the average Southerner [pointing to letters before 
him] Already letters in abundance are accumulating from 
Southerners who raise a storm of protest and indignation. 
PORTIA [Laughing] . I can well understand it. 
Northerners, I am sure, quite the contrary, with admiring 
hands, will throw boquets at his feet for this very same action, 
and ail hats are up for the President. 

SECRETARY. True, colored people. .. [pause] .. .who 
do work, take a day off for general rejoicing and the excite- 
ment is general. 



6 PORTIA IN POLITICS 

PORTIA: I see, one of the most natural and unstudied things 
which the President has ever done, called forth a storm of national 
consequences. Well, this is indeed amusing!. .. [Pause] .. .Tell me, 
what other consequences can there be? In the afternoon the luncheon 
will be over, and I dare say, by three o'clock forgotten. 

SECRETARY [Earnestly.] Forgotten? Never! 

PORTIA [Playfully.] I suppose that for years to come all busi- 
ness men who make a distinction between races, will try to attribute 
their troubles and damage suits to this move of the President. 

SECRETARY [His right hand to his forehead.] It has cost me 
my sleep for some nights past. Fortunately, the President is of a 
stronger caliber. 

[Major presents himself at the door, showing in the Senator from 
New York.] 

[The Senator is a man of about 45 in frock coat, an original pin 
in his tie; smooth face and polished manner; a man of the world 
with a soft spot in his heart for American women.] 

SENATOR [To Secretary— playfully]. Isn't it a shame that I a 
Senator of the United States, should have to waste his time waiting 
for a mere President? 

SECRETARY. Take it easy. Senator, you know how little good 
your grumbling will do. 

[To Portia]. Ah. here is the very man whom above others you 
should meet. [Introducing] The Senator from New York— Miss 
Portia. [Turning to Senator.] Miss Portia has come all the way 
from England to study our social, economic, and political conditions 
m the interest of the European Press. 

SENATOR. [Watching her closely.] Indeed ! Well, if you want 
to profit from your visit, study our national prosperity; study the 
great deeds of the Republican Party, our wonderful revenue producers 
who open the road to better things 

SECRETARY [To Portia]. The Senator is the one man who above 
all other Republicans is responsible for the framing of our tariff. 

PORTIA [Inquiringly]. Is it true. Senator, that the tariff has be- 
come a system of favors, purporting to keep the rich manufacturers of 
the country m a good humor with the Republican party, is dictated by 
a group^ of domestic producers for their personal enrichment and 
granted in exchange for party support ? 

SENATOR. [Emphatically.] Certainly, certainly, certainly not 
The tariff is based on the difference between the cost of production 
here and abroad. We are as free from absolute free trade as we are 
free from the Chinese wall. Each has had its day and gone its way 



ACT ONE 7 

The abolition of the protective tariff would plunge this country into 
the most widespread industrial depression we have yet seen. 

PORTIA [At her ease]. Possibly, possibly, but the interests im- 
properly favored by over-protection have made tariff abuses clearly 
recognizable and the day of a long-rolling tariff must end. The people 
will no longer stand for a tariff which is a bundle of preferences given 
to favored individuals and a thorough radical change in the methods 
of tariff-making will surely be insisted upon. 

SENATOR [Indignantly]. I guess not. . .Our entire business life 
has been built up upon tariff schedules. 

PORTIA. True, the business of your country has been built up 
upon tariff schedules and its foundations must not be too radically or 
too suddenly disturbed. But it is claimed by your opponents who 
insist upon a downward revision of the tariff, that schedules are 
being used to kill competition and raise prices arbitrarily; that it 
transformed your laws of taxation into a system of governmental 
patronage, the charges falling on those who feel the burden the most 
and that it is directly responsible for the development and growth 
of your monopolies and trusts. 

SENATOR. [Pointedly.] It is on account of the trusts that our 
nation as a nation has grown very rich. Great combinations effect 
great economies in administration. The public is losing nothing from 
the increased efficiency of simplified and perfected organization... 

PORTIA [sharply.] But has it gained anything from this vast 
wealth unevenly distributed, if indeed it is distributed at all? Is it 
easier for the working people to live under the existing conditions, 
when prices climb faster than earnings, and high wages, even when 
earned cannot buy as much as when the earnings were less ? . . . 
[Playfully.] Do you get me Steven?... If the people at large have 
benefited but little from said charges— If your tariff duties have not 
been a means of setting up an equitable system of protection, they 
have been the means and ways of fostering special privilege and noth- 
ing else. 

SENATOR. [Excitedly, but not entirely at his ease.] The tariff 
has brought prosperity to all, to the wage worker, the ordinary con- 
sumer, and the small producer. I am responsible for the framing of 
our tariff laws and proud of it ! ... I will not apologize, no apology is 
needed. It is the best revenue producer ever put on the statute books. 
PORTIA. [Earnestly.] But the high cost of living. . . 
SENATOR. [Emphatically, as he picks up a document from the 
table absent-mindedly.] The high cost of loving [correcting himself] 
of living is due to our prosperity — the real and only cause. Take for 
example, the high cost of living at Newport — one hundred thousand 



8 PORTIA IN POLITICS 

dollars for a Fish ball. What else, then, prosperity is its real cause? 
SECRETARY. [Comes up to Senator and relieves him of the 
document as he is about to tear it.] 

[To Portia.] The Senator is right, there is no tariff on ice, and yet 
the price, as you know. . .[pause] .. .well, ask any housewife. [Re- 
placing document to its former position.] 

PORTIA. [Playfully.] I see, your ice is not all it is cracked up to 
be. . . [Lifting herself in her seat and producing a portfolio.] Pardon 
me [returning portfolio to Secretary] I was sitting on your state 
secrets. [The Secretary opens portfolio, placing some of its contents 
on the President's table— bows and exits.] It is not for me, a casual 
observer, to determine whether or not the tariff is responsible for the 
growth of the trusts, or the trusts for the overgrown tariff. I am here 
to get whatever authoritative informaton I can about your American 
civilization and the lack of it. . .What are the causes responsible for 
the high cost of living? 

SENATOR. [Airily.] You are a charming woman— put it down 
to prosperity, my dear, and you will not go wrong. The country 
never enjoyed such prosperity, and it is all due to the tariff. 

PORTIA. The practice of revising tariffs by the rule of the thumb, 
the perpetual ferment of nervous apprehension regarding coming 
changes accompanied by a violent convulsion of business are too much 
for the nervous system of the average person. [Regretfully.] Ah, 
Senator, the relations of industry to the tariff, the coddling of some 
mdividuals at the expense of their neighbors is a pretty complicated 
subject at its best. It is the one thing responsible for keeping more 
women out of politics, than all other things combined. 

Senator. [Playfully.] A good thing too. .. [smiling broadly]... 
What would you think of a woman constructing a tariff, totally ignor- 
ant about the things on which she is fixing the duties? [Laughs- 
Portia joining him.] [Admiringly.] I am glad you are such a sensible 
person. . .|pause] . . . At first, you know, I thought you were another 
of those eccentric suffragettes who have Votes for Women printed 
on their checks in the hope that when the checks are satisfactory they 
will find the sentiment also endorsed. They pester the life out of lis 
and come here demanding " Votes for Women." [Sneeringly.] Votes 
for Women! Behold, the uneasy woman laying siege to man's 
kingdom. 

PORTIA. [Playfully.] Why not "Votes for Women," Mr. Senator 
from New York? The American government is a government of the 
people, by the people, and for the people, and arn't your women one- 
half of the people? [Pointedlv.] The Declaration of Independence 
makes no distinction of sex. Who gave you men tlie ri -ht to assume 



ACT ONE 9 

to be all the people? Don't your women pay taxes just the same as 
the men? Your forefathers revolted from England on account of 
taxation without representation, why expect your women to be more 
lenient towards you, than you were yourselves under similar condi- 
tions? Under your laws of enfranchisement suffrage has been ex- 
tended to the ignorant negroes of the South, are they beter than 
your women? 

SENATOR. [Gallantly.] It is our sacred duty to protect women 
from the temptations of politics, the burden of active participation in 
the government and the rest of it. [Looking lovingly a her.] . . .The 
name of woman is sacred to me. . .1 would willingly give women the 
right to vote as a matter of politeness, but believe me women wiU 
do well to keep out of the political limelight, they think they want what 
they do not want. . .They know much about dress and hats, the rela- 
tive values of ice cream, bon-bons and water ices — they master to 
perfection the ethics of bridge, euchre and whist, and no mere man 
can compete with them at a social tea, but they understand little or 
nothing of the large questions and problems of the day. Their civic 
education has been terribly neglected and for this reason womens 
place is the home. 

PORTIA. [Playfully.] Yes, the home, but for the woman forced 
to earn her own living, the home has gone out of the house. For her 
the right to vote means, not merely responsibility, but opportunity. 

SENATOR. [Softly.] Women rule the world by sweetness, while 
politics, my dear, is modified warfare. There is bitterness, struggle 
and strife all the time — everything in fact which is adverse to the 
true character of women. Women in strife become hard, harsh, un- 
lovable, repulsive, ugly. 

PORTIA. True, but is there more strife in politics than in the 
strife and struggle for daily bread to which modern men have forced 
women?... Is there more bitterness in politics than in working at a 
dollar a day in a match factory ?.. .The household may be the true 
throne for the comfortably married woman, but what about the mil- 
lions of industrial women workers, for whom, as I said, the home has 
gone out of the house. 

SENATOR. [Sympathetically.] I will not deny that under modern 
conditions life for some women is very hard indeed. But my dear, 
woman's suffrage is bad form, it betokens a great want of culture and 
refinement. It is putting the ballot against the home in the majority 
of cases, political activity against the degeneration of her finer in- 
fluences. Politics will roughen women ; it will brush the bloom off the 
flovvcrs. 



10 PORTIA IN POLITICS 

PORTIA. The pitch in politics, to which you allude, makes it all 
the more necessary for us women to enter the field, not merely as a 
question of right, but infinitely more so, as a matter of duty. Who 
but women should make and regulate the laws for the millions of 
women employed in your factories and sweatshops? Who but women 
should be entrusted with regulating the liquor interests of the coun- 
try? Who but women could be relied upon so admirably and so well 
to do away with gambling and the White Slave traffic, and to increase 
educational appropriations? [Touching him on the shoulder.] I appeal 
to your sense of manhood, your love of fair play. 

SENATOR. [Electrified by the touch, showing a change of expres- 
sion.] You are charming [taking her hand] and your hand, your 
touch would electrify even the Gods... No wonder the British prime 
minister looks under the bed every night to see if there is a suffra- 
gette. Your powers, the powers of your sex are wonderful, and, to be 
candid. . . [Bus.] I will not deny that the reason why we are against 
Woman's Suffrage is that we are afraid of you !. . .Afraid that you will 
be a little too active in some particular branches of our Legislature. . . 

PORTIA. True, woman intends to be active, we want to help you 
clean the augean stables, for we know what a failure man's sole con- 
trol of government has been. We see that your crops have failed 
and want to help you begin over again, plow deeper, sow better, let in 
more sunshine, and assure a better harvest. We believe that a nobler 
and more vigorous type of woman Avill be developed after her com- 
plete political equality has been recognized, but above all, it will benefit 
you men. 

SENATOR. [Looking lovingly at her.] You are a very charming 
woman, and your eyes are simply ripping. . .1 will confide in you. . . 
You have undoubtedly read, that as goes New York, so goes the nation, 
and in a measure it is true, but it is equally true that New York goes 
as I go. Our millions of voters are nothing more nor less than just 
so many rubber stamps to carry out my wishes, for it is I and not 
the people at large who do the nominating. 

[Waving his hand.] Now, my dear, I will fool the average good 
natured American year in and year out and enjoy the game, but there 
is something cowardly in getting out of bed early in the morning your 
wife, sister, and mother, and other men's sisters and mothers on what 
might rightly be called a fool's errand. . .No, I draw the line at fool- 
ing women . . . 

PORTIA. [Artfully.] It is a pleasure, a very great pleasure to 
talk to a man who is at once both very powerful and at the same time 
most considerate. You need not have any scruples about getting us 
women out of bed early in the morning, for in this, you will never 



ACT ONE 11 

succeed. No other inducement can ever succeed where double trading 
stamps offered by the department stores have miserably failed. As 
to the rest. .. [pause] .. ., we will win the nominating power away 
from you as we keep on fighting. The American ballot will be of the 
worth while kind by the time the Eastern women get the right to 
use it. 

SENATOR. [Gallantly.] Let me assure you that although all 
powerful in my party, and no man will willingly yield power, I am 
exceptionally deferential to women. I will support gladly anything 
which is deemed to be of real benefit to woman, but [pause] . . .there 
are the Democratic leaders, they are harder, with them you will 
never succeed. 

PORTIA. [Artfully placing her hand on his shoulder.] Since you 
are convinced that the Democrats will vote against it, why not vote 
for it and induce your other Republican friends of the Senate to act 
likewise? [The Senator eyeing her curiously.] 

[Portia nudging him as she proceeds.] You will gain a great point, 
you will show the world the chivalry and liberality of the Republican 
Party, and in the end, it will cost you nothing. 

SENATOR. [Admiringly.] This is true statesmanship, and the 
kind of liberality I never allow myself to miss. . . [pause] . . .1 will do 
it! [Walking about, then facing her, his face radiant, waiving his 
hat.] Capital! What a lark it will be on the leaders of the Demo- 
cratic party ! 

PORTIA. [Humoring him.] Yes, wouldn't it? [Both laughing.] 

SENATOR. [Sitting down — smiling broadly.] And now that we 
have the same interest at heart, will you give me a few pointers as 
to the most effective way for framing the bill? [Taking out paper and 
pencil and watching her expression as he is about to write. Laughing 
and waving the pencil in the air.] I am just longing to see the faces 
of the Democratic leaders when, after a heated discussion and op- 
position they get on to our little game. 

PORTIA. [Reflectively, talking as she proceeds.] "Admitting that 
they who share in the labor and duties are also entitled to share in 
the privileges of men, we, the Senators of the United States in body 
assembled, separately and jointly resolve: 

[The Senator's pencil suspended in his hand, moment of repose.] 

"That suffrage should be given to women as their permanent and ir- 
revocable possession." 

[Passing her hand over her head.] I believe this will do. . . [play- 
fully] . . .comrade of all who labor, brother of all who serve. . . 

SENATOR [Replacing note-book and pencil]. My heart is in the 
right place... If I were only a single man, I would propose to you, 



12 PORTIA IN POLITICS 

right here and now; I admire you. [Hesitatingly.] But I am afraid 
of you. . .Supposing you warn the Democratic leaders in advance that 
we Republicans intend to make political capital of this resolution, and 
induce them to join in the vote [pause] . . .then it will go through. . . 
[unnerved] . . .You are a very clever woman, but I must think it over. 

PORTIA [Placing her hand on his shoulder and advancing towards 
centre of stage, looking straight at him]. And wouldn't you be proud 
of your part in this affair when the bill does go through?. . .We rise 
to higher things through mistakes and admitting that you were wrong 
is but saying, in other words, that you are wiser to-day than you were 
yesterday. You will find that "suffrage will tend toward an increas- 
ing' number of ideal homes, an increase in the sense of co-partner- 
ship between the man and woman, and make each think more of the 
rights of the other than of his or her own rights. Just as a man can 
do better work for others if he is a free man, so a woman can do better 
work for others if she is a free woman." Woman will retain all her 
womanly charms, and will take a broader view of life and its relations. 
She will be a better citizen, because a more thoughtful, intelligent 
individual, when she is eventually transformed from a subject into 
full-fiedged citizenship. Take my advice, dear Senator, don't wait 
until suffrage has become fashionable and the victory is won without 
you. Join us while we still need you, and remember that on the great 
clock of time there is but one word — nozv. 

SENATOR [Reflectively] . . .One can hardly call you a member of 
the fair sex, you take me all by storm. [Turning at the door, facing 
her.] I will do it. I am all yours !. . . [Exits.] 

[Enter Secretary, bringing with him additional documents, letters 
and open telegrams, which he places on the President's desk.] 

SECRETARY. [Gallantly.] Pardon my seeming negligence, but 
I was unavoidably detained by an overwhelmingly large crowd of 
raiders upon the President's treasury of favors. . .[Pause] .. .Con- 
scious as I am of my duties and jealous of the nation's time, the de- 
sire to be near you, to talk to you was irresistible. [Reassuring him- 
self that they are alone, he unwraps a bouquet of violets, handing it 
to her, gallantly, Partia taking it.] 

PORTIA. [Flattered.] W^ell, well! I declare!. .. [Pause] .. .And 
this from the man who refused to honor my credentials! [Pause] 
Tell me, are all your government officials as chivalrous ? 

SECRETARY. [Gallantly.] They would be in your presence. 

[Enter four reporters, all of them smooth-faced men, but of differ- 
ent temperaments and sizes The Republican reporter is very tall ; 
the Democratic, very fat ; Independent Democratic, very lean ; and 
the Progressive, very small.] 



ACT ONE 13 

REPUBLICAN. [Pointing to companion.] Our fat friend wants 
a statement explaining the President's position on the Panama con- 
troversy. 

PROGRESSIVE & IND. DEMOCRATIC. [Together.] So do 

we. 

SECRETARY. [Confidingly.] I have heard nothing, and know no 
more than yourselves. 

REPUBLICAN. [Inquiringly.] Who— in particular,— whose ef- 
forts — have finally succeeded in combatting the sentiment of Con- 
gress in favor of the Nicaraguan Canal route as against the Panama 
route, — that is what I want to know. 

DEMOCRAT. Whose masterful mind, sharpened on the grind- 
stone of corporate cunning, connived and carried it out?... Who is 
responsible for the forming of an important minority, which refused 
to join the other members of the Committee, and in this way pre-* 
vented the Nicaraguan bill passing? 

PROGRESSIVE. Who inspired the bill advocating the Panama 
project, as introduced by Senator Spooner in the Senate? 

INDEPENDENT DEM. [Placing himself in attitude.] Who are 
the people whose constant care and varied eflforts have evidently con- 
tributed in no small degree to this result? Who are the people placed 
in such intimate relations with the House of Congress ? 

SECRETARY. [Playfully.] You will learn nothing from me. 
[Pause.] You know more than I do. . .who has influence over public 
men in political life. . . 

[Introducing Portia.] This is Portia, a newspaper correspondent 
who has come all the way from England to study our government. 
[The reporters bow respectfully.] 

[To Portia.] These four gentlemen represent the army of strong 
columns and good leaders, that overwhelming power called the Ameri- 
can Press. 

REPORTERS. [Each in turn coming forward and offering her 
his card.] So you are the lady all Washington talks about! 

[PORTIA takes the cards and makes for her bag, where she evi- 
dently intends to place them, the bag drops to the floor. Instantly 
the four reporters and Secretary make for the floor to pick it up. . . 

.[PICTURE] 
PROGRESSIVE. [Returning the bag.] Welcome, welcome, com- 
rade, to our land, of conspicuous waste and made dollars, the paradise 
of ragtime kings and the serious student's purgatory; the land where 
through inadequate laws a few men have secured the results of the 
toil of all the people. 



14 PORTIA IN POLITICS 

PORTIA. [Her arm on Progressive's shoulder, sympathetically.] 
Yours is the happiest nation on earth, you wouldn't say it, friend, 
if you were more familiar with conditions in Europe, its social dis- 
tinctions and classes. 

IND. DEMOCRAT. [Quickly.] Quite true, there the classes are 
many, while here in America there are only two [pause], those who 
succeeded and those who have failed. 

PORTIA. [Pointedly.] To the American, failure is a mere in- 
centive to success. [Playfully.] We Europeans have a great admira- 
tion for everything American, particularly for the brightness and vi- 
vacity of your women. No country owes more to its women than 
America in all that is best in social life and institutions. 

PROGRESSIVE. Quite true — Our American self-made men are 
fond of boasting, while our self-made women are very modest about it. 

PORTIA. [Playfully.] Don't you speak against the American 
women. The whole world agrees that they are America's best pro- 
duct. 

SECRETARY. [Gallantly.] On behalf of the American women 
I thank you. The American is a pretty good fellow, but his wife is 
even better. 

PORTIA. [To Secretary.] The average literary taste and influence 
of American women is higher than that of Europeans. The provi- 
sion for women's education is more ample and better than that made 
in European countries. 

PROGRESSIVE. In no country in the world are women so much 
made of. The world's at their feet. We all bend our comforts to the 
young girl's wishes. 

PORTIA. [To Progressive, artfully.] I admit there are rumors 
abroad that the statute of Liberty is wearing blue spectacles now, her 
torch turned into a candle, and that she goes to bed punctually at nine 
in the evening with her hair in curl papers. 

PROGRESSIVE. [POINTEDLY.] You wouldn't think so if you 
followed the reports of the daily newspapers on our police graft and 
gam^bling scandals [playfully] believe me. New York is some town. 

PORTIA. [Admiringly.] Ah, yours is a wonderful country! As 
to your railways, they simply take my breath away. 

PROGRESSIVE. [As he exits, accompanied by companion, bowing 
gallantly.] They do more, they take away our money. 

DEMOCRAT. [From hall.] Her looks; her smile, I will never 
forget. 

[Major at the door showing in the Marquis Maurice De Leville.] 



ACT ONE 15 

[Maurice is a handsome Frenchman of about thirty-five, with all 
the characteristics typical to stage characters of his nationality, is well 
dressed and carries himself with dignity — pronounces th as d andz.] 

[The Secretary rises to meet him. Portia hides the features of her 
face in an open book before her.] 

SCERETARY. [Shaking hands.] Ah, Marquis, welcome, trice 
welcome! The President is anxious for your report, and, like my- 
self, he will be delighted to see you. 

[Maurice bows in acknowledgment.] 

[Introducing Portia.] This is Portia, a visitor from England, the 
most accomplished newspaper woman of England, visiting the United 
States in the interest of the Associated Press of Europe, who might 
also be interested in your findings on the Isthmus. [Startled by the 
mere mention of Portias' name, Maurice walks backwards and for- 
ward, both sides of her, trying to see the face — [Picture.] 

[Reluctantly uncovering her face.] 
Portia, what happiness! [Makes a movement toward her.] 

PORTIA. [To Maurice, excitedly, waving him aside.] We have 
never met!... [To Secretary.] Take him away, Mr. Secretary, and 
introduce me to a practical man. ..[Gesticulating.] God, how I wish 
we had never met! The very sight of him fills me with indigna- 
tion!... Only think of Providence creating such a splendid human 
animal without a practical mental balance ! . . . 

SECRETARY. [Quickly.] We hold diametrically opposite views 
at the White House about the Marquis. .. [Pause] .. .and you may 
trust to the beter judgment of the President. [Maurice bows in ac- 
knowledgment.] 

PORTIA [Sardonically.] Indeed?. . .Well it does not speak much 
in the President's favor. . . [Pause], after all, perhaps, he knows him 
better. . .1 confess I knew him so little that I was engaged to marry 
him. 

MAURICE. Oui, oui! [we, we.] 

SECRETARY. [Playfully, changing his facial expression.] Oh, 
old friends, I see. 

[To Maurice, nudging him.] A lover's quarrel ! 

MAURICE. [Walks up behind Portia's seat, mimicking to the 
Secretary to leave the room — bus.] True, I don't deserve her, but 
now dat we have met again, I shall never let her go. 

SECRETARY. Right Marquis!. .. [Pause] .. .Can you spare me 
for a few minutes? [Exits]. 

PORTIA. [Finding that they are alone.] And so you are as deter- 
mined as ever?. . .[Pause] .. .in spite of all my refusals. .. [Soften- 
ing.] Have I changed much, Maurice? 



16 PORTIA IN POLITICS 

MAURICE. [Fondly.] Yes, and for de beter. You are beauti- 
ful!. . .Oh, Portia, Portia! I am just crazy about you! Ever since you 
drew me over, you were so much in my doughts dat I was almost out 
of dem...Oh, why, did you break it off? Why didn't you answer 
my last leters, why, why? 

PORTIA. [Distantly.] Panama, Panama is the reason, the worth- 
less Panama Canal Co. shares which father bought at your solicita- 
tion and advise have undermined his health and he died of a broken 
heart ... Mother committed suicide shortly afterwards... 

MAURICE. [Hands to his forehead, frantically!] Mon dieu, Morr 
dieu ! . . . 

PORTIA. [Avoiding his look.] Since then my heart was broken 
and life a blank. It was not easy for me, a queen and social leader of 
society to be reduced to the condition of an outsider, attending third- 
rate balls and receptions on behalf of a Weekly Home Journal, sitting 
up late nights describing the curves and folds in the dresses of eleven 
stone dames ... All the same I was only too glad to do it wRen the 
chance came with a salary of six pounds per. [Facing him.] Now, 
do you still wonder why I didn't want to see you, yon the cause of it 
all!... 

MAURICE. [Gesticulating.] Mon dieu, if I had only known, 
how glad I would be to help you. 

PORTIA. [Indignantly.] Do you suppose for one moment that I 
would, that I . . . 

MAURICE. Don't tell me I have lost when I've won. [Pleadingly.] 
Is de life happiness of us both to be blotted out on account of my one 
mistake? [Touching her on the shoulder.] "Be reasonable. . .We 
have known each other since childhood, and I loved you from de 
moment I first looked into your eyes. 

[Earnestly.] I love you; you know I love you. I would sooner 
have removed my right hand, cut out my tongue, opened- up my art- 
eries and let de blood of my heart go, den intentionally ill-advise de 
fader of my Portia. [His hands on his heart.] Woman, don't you 
know dat you are and always have been everyding, moder, sister, 
friend, my life, my sunshine, my daylight, de sum of all loving care. 
[Coming up closer to her.] I need you as one needs food and air, 
morning, noon and night, my only dought is Portia. De flowers bloom, 
Portia, and de birds are singing, Portia — I love you wid a love dat 
passes all understanding. All dat I can do to atone for de past will 
be done willingly, gladly. Forgive, forgive me de misery I caused 
you!. . .To me you are the all in all which makes life worth living — 
my life is yours. I cannot, will not part from you. 



ACT ONE ' 17 

You say I have ill-advised your fader— True, but have I done it in- 
tentionally, and have I spared myself? [Gesticulating.] Every dollar 
I have in de world is invested in de Panama Canal Company!. . . 

PORTIA. [Moved.] This hardly makes our position more hopeful. 
[Excitedly.] Oh, Maurice, how could you be so stupid as to throw 
away your fortune and the fortunes of those nearest and dearest to 
you on such a pest-hole?. .. [Gesticulating.] Panama !... The Great 
International Ditch which has ruined so many lives in the loss of so 
many fortunes. Panama, that festering pest-hole of the world, which 
has its grave yards on every European stock exchange. Panama, a 
project which has grown so large that it is good for nothing, an 
undertaking which was hopeless— senseless from its inception, a 
chimera, a mirage ! . . . 

MAURICE. [In a quieter tone.] I am only human, we are all 
liable to error. I admit, as it stands de result is a bitter mortification 
to stockholders and investors everywhere. But, dear, sweet, charming, 
brilliant woman dat you are, you are wrong suggesting dat de project 
is in itself a delusion. .. [Excitedly, his blood up]... I tell you der 
never was a commercial project of such far reaching importance and 
significance, so lofty and so practical. [Walking about too and fro.] 
It will make New York nearer to China dan Liverpool and bring Japan 
two dousand miles nearer, and it will unite all de American people not 
merely in name, but in fact. Drough de Panama Canal. .. [Inter- 
rupted] . . . 

PORTIA. [Sympathetically, her hand on his shoulder.] Why specu- 
late further? Columbia is the government in possession of the Isthmus, 
and they refuse to carry out the treaty on which their representatives 
agreed, nor will they permit the work to proceed; this makes your 
machinery and our stock practically worthless. 

MAURICE. It is not de people of de Isthmus, but de group of 
bandits who have usurped de power from de people who are against 
us and by whom we are held up. I am just returning from de place 
where I have been digging for public sentiment and found aplenty. 
Far from being against us or being indifferent, de people are alive to 
de fact dat deir interest is being flagrantly disregarded. I tell you 
dat on the Isthmus of Panama revolution is in de air. 

PORTIA. I know that the organizing of South American revolu- 
tions has become a regular industry and manufacturing public opinion 
has been reduced to a science, but. . . [Impatiently] . .what of it?. . . 
One discordant note and the orchestra is mere noise... One move 
from the American government and all your fuses are stamped out. . . 
MAURICE. [Excitedly.] True, only too true, but dis must be 
prevented. [Excitedly.] We must beat it. 



18 PORTIA IN POLITICS 

PORTIA. There is but one ray of hope and that is to convince 
the United States government that if it permits Columbia to prevent 
the building of the Panama Canal it will be derelic to its own in- 
terests and duty. 

MAURICE. If only Uncle Sam can be persuaded to refrain from 
sending his Navy against us, victory is ours ... Everything is ready 
for the great revolution ; de date is fixed, and in my pocket [display- 
ing document] I have de Declaration of de Independence of Panama 
carefully written out and ready for de proper signatures. 

PORTIA. [Pressing Maurice's hand and giving him a warm kiss 
on the lips, which is all the more appreciated because it comes unex- 
pectedly, bus.] 

[Major and Secretary show themselves at the door.] [Enter 
president.] 

[The Major withdraws, but the Secretary enters bowing before the 
President.] 

[The President is a man about forty-five, full of energy of mind 
and phenominal physical power in the pink of condition. Dressed 
in a frock coat, light waistcoat and striped trousers, low collar, a four- 
in- had tie with a pin of questionable value. He wears pince nez. A 
statesmen, man of Letters and of action, concentration, earnestness and 
quick decision. Nature has cast him in an uncommon mold. He is 
well built, well groomed, well preserved, and very active — a human 
machine of tremendous capacity, geared to the habits of the utmost 
efficiency. He has clear, blue eyes which look at you with the steady 
light of a fixed star, and nature has filled them with a wide angle lens, 
kindly expression of face which lights up when he smiles, ruddy neck 
and cheeks, closely clipped hair and moustache and hair of an unde- 
terminate color. On the smallest finger of the left hand there is 
a conspicuous ring with a seal on it. There is nothing lacking in his 
manner that would detract from the dignity of his reputation. 

PRESIDENT. [Joining Maurice, placing his hand on his shoul- 
der.] A lady is waiting, but, by George, Marquis, you are the man I 
have got to see. I am tremendously interested in the advance in^ 
formation which you submitted to the Department, and want to know 
more. I have an infinite passion for facts. [Lays right hand on his 
left shoulder.] The papers are full with accounts about the disturb- 
ance on the Isthmus, but this does not necessarily prove it false ! . . . 
Let me once lay hands on the details, master the facts and I will do 
anything that can be done legitimately. 

MAURICE. [Excitedly, bowing low.] Merci, Merci! 

PRESIDENT. [Eyeing Portia.] The lady there is getting impatient, 
do excuse me for a few minutes. 



ACT ONE 19 

[Walks up to Portia offering hand in a friendly, disarming, neigh- 
borly way.] 

My dear young lady, I have your credentials, but there is no need 
for them. I knew your late father, our former Ambassador; knew 
him well — that is why instructions have been given to have your very 
reasonable request complied with ! . . . Well, well, well, I am glad to see 
you ! . , . I am glad to see my administration graced by the presence 
of such a clever, serious woman. . . [pause] . . .And so you have come 
all the way from Europe to see with what lack of wisdom the Sates 
of the world are governed. [Playfully, motioning her to a chair. 
Portia insisting on his sitting down first; seeing that she is determined, 
he sits down.] 

[Maurice walks into the cabinet room during the following inter- 
view.] 

PORTIA. [Sitting down, admiringly.] The greatest ambition of 
my life is now realized. It is worth my whole trip to America to have 
had the privilege of these few minutes. .. [Pause] .. .Wasn't it ^bold 
of me to come and interview the greatest of living American States- 
men, whose name and fame belong not to him but to the entire world ? 

PRESIDENT. [Playfully.] I commend it in the highest degree; now 
that you are here, find the worst thing in America and tell us about it 
so that we may correct it. 

PORTIA. I am visiting America rather to find the best things, 
that I may take them back to Europe. Like you, the Europeans are 
ever eager to learn. 

PRESIDENT. [Inquiringly, displaying his teeth.] Have jou seen 
much of our great country? We have such tremendous works of 
nature, surpassing even Switzerland and the Nile. 

PORTIA. [Playfully, more at ease.] I saw two — Niagara Falls — 
and the other is now before me. .. [pause] ... [lowering her eyes]. 
Rumor for once has not exaggerated. 

PRESIDENT. [Playing with his watch chain.] I see you know 
how to turn a compliment, but we must be considerate of the people's 
time. I have a very pressing engagement with the gentleman who is 
waiting. . .Now, what is there in connection with our government 
affairs that you particularly wish to know? 

PORTIA. [Excitedly.] I realize that I am robbing the greatest 
ruler of the greatest nation on earth of much of his valuable time, 
but I am just dying to know some of the things that are accomplished 
by a Democratic Congress. 

PRESIDENT. [Hands to his eyeglasses.] With a Republican 
President in the White House, the accomplishments of a Democraitc 



20 PORTIA IN POLITICS 

Congress generally consists. . .of. . .preventing the President from do- 
ing anything ! . . . 

[Picking out an especially pretty American Beauty rose 'from the 
boquets on his table, and offering it to her.] 

PORTIA. [Taking rose.] Ah, my favorite flower! [Rising.] 
Must I go ? The Marquis is my intended, and . . . and ... I am so full 
of anticipation. 

PRESIDENT. [Beckoning to Marquis, who comes forward.] 
This admirable young lady tells me that you are engaged and that she 
is with us at heart. 

MAURICE. [Bows.] Oui, Oui, Mr. President. 

PRESIDENT. Well then, to business; have you prepared your 
written report ? . '* o 

[Maurice takes out a folded document, handing it to the President.] 

PRESIDENT. [Taking document.] I thank you for your kind 
consideration of men and the nations time. [Opens document and 
reads, moment of silence.] The attitude of the Columbian govern- 
ment shows clearly the capacity of the human mind to resist intelli- 
gence. It was at their initiative that the negotiations were pressed 
upon our government until they were finally acceped.. .. [Pause] .. j 
Even the terms were made public. We were to pay ten million dol- 
lars cash and one hundred thousand dollars a year rental for a strip 
of land not over 30 miles, but now there is a hold-up. [His face 
energized from the base of the neck to the roots of the hair.] Every 
effort has been made by the government of the United States to per- 
suade Columbia to follow a cause which is essential, not only to our 
interest and to the interest of the world, but to the interest of Colum- 
bia itself, but all efforts have failed. 

PORTIA. [Excitedly.] Columbia is governed by successive bands 
of adventurers. The fifty-three revolutions which have taken place 
there during the past fifty-seven years prove it. 

PRESIDENT. [Helping himself to ice-water.] True, for many 
years past, the maintenance of order on the Isthmus was the exception 
and war the rule. Only the active influence of the United States has 
enabled Columbia to preserve her sovereignty, and now, when for the 
first time, they are given the opportunity to reciprocate, they show 
their base ingratitude. 

PORTIA. [Pleadingly.] Mr. President, knowing the kind of men 
the Columbian government consists of, and your sympathy with the 
people of Panama in their aspiration for independence, why not sup- 
port them... [at a severe look from the President] ... why not 
join hands with the revolutionists The United States is in itself a 
country, a great nation founded by a revolution ! 



ACT ONE 21 

PRESIDENT. [Proudly, his arms gesticulating, his whole being 
radiating force.] For over fifty years the United States has patiently 
and in good faith carried out its obligations under the treaty of 1846 
[clinching his fist]. I am the President of the United States and a 
loyal citizen of the Republic. We cannot, we will not give any official 
aid to a revolutionary enterprise. [Busies himself with replacing his 
pince nez which have dropped down, and in doing so regains much 
of his former composure.] 

PORTIA. [Plaintively.] The question at issue, Mr. President, 
is not that of inciting revolution, but of permitting it. Great ventures 
should not stop at small morals. You admit that the control of Colum- 
bia over the Isthmus of Panama could not be maintained without the 
armed intervention and assistance of the United States, and you can- 
not deny that as it stands the interests of the United States and the 
people of Panama are identical. Now Mr. President, since no blood- 
shed could occur on account of the revolution, unless you permit 
Columbian troops to land, why abandon a people who are your friends, 
and permit a people who are your foe to perpetuate their despotism? 
Come, Mr. President, doesn't the end justify the means, to stand by 
your friends? 

PRESIDENT. [Deeply touched, talks with his whole being, each 
organ taking its mobile part.] I am with you heart and soul, if only I 
could find a basis upon which to act. But. .. [picking up copy of 
treaty with Columbia and punching it], we are bound hand and foot 
by the treaty. [Reading] : " The protection of free, neutral transit 
acioss the Isthmus and the guarantee of the sovereignty of land 
against alien aggression." [Getting up and walking about, with his 
hands in the air.] Oh, it is hopeless, absolutely hopeless ! 

PORTIA. [Aggressively.] Mr. President, you admit that the con- 
dition of affairs has become intolerable. You know that this Canal 
cannot be built by private enterprise or by any other nation than the 
United States. You are known as the man of action, the man who 
puts action against lethargy, human justice against technical stolidity, 
the equal opportunity of every man against special interests, and yet 
you can do nothing— you, who are worshipped politically ! Surely a 
territory fraught with such peculiar capacities as the Isthmus in ques- 
tion carries with it obligations to mankind. 

A project of such incalculable possibilities for the good of^ the 
world should not be held up to gratify the whim of foreign politicians. 
What is the use of holding a big public office, if one isn't taking 
advantage of the opportunities this office offers to do some big thing 
that ought to be done and is worth doing? Aren't the recent develop- 



23 PORTIA IN POLITICS 

merits sufficient to change the heart of the American government in 
this matter? 

PRESIDENT. [Admiringly.] You are a brilliant woman, the 
most brilliant woman I know, but you seem to forget that I am not 
the entire government of the country, much as I sometimes wish I had 
that power. [Extending his hand with second finger in a pointing 
position.] 

There is Congress and Uncle Joe. [Pause.] Let me see, did I 
mention Congress first? 

[Displaying a document which he takes out from his drawer.]. 
Here is a rough draft of a message, my recommendation to Congress 
that we should proceed with the work on the Canal, in spite of 
Columbia's opposition, but, I have my ways of finding out in advance, 
the feeling of Congress, which way the pendulum is striking, and... 
it has remained in my drawer. . .There are a thousand reasons why 
the Canal should be built, but not one which would give us a stand- 
ing in international law ! , . . 

[Lifting both hands in the air as an expression of excitement.] I 
give it up [desperately], the situation is hopeless, hopeless! 

MAURICE. [Moved to the verge of tears.] Den we are bankrupt, 
bankrupt. . .Noding left for me to do but engage as a waiter. La, la, 
la, la, la! 

PORTIA. [Picking up copy of treaty from President's table, pon- 
dering over it, then aloud] : "And the guarantee of the sovereignty 
of land against alien aggression "... [Pause.] . . ."Against alien aggres- 
sion ", . .yes, but Mr. President, the treaty says nothing about protect- 
ing Columbia against local and domestic revolutions!. . .Now that the 
Isthmus is seething with revolutionary spirit, why not change your 
policy and give the people of Panama a chance to act in a way which 
will make your task easier? 

MAURICE. [Hesitatingly.] Oui, oui! 

PRESIDENT. [Regaining his spirits.] The Canal shall not be 
dropped on account of the difficulties confronting us. The Canal 
shall be a lasting monument to mankind, and you have shown me the 
way to do it. [Rings bell for Major who enters.] [To Major.] Tell 
the Press Committee to come in and send the Secretary this way. 

[The Major bows himself out.] 

[Enter Secretary followed by the above four correspondents who 
behave as reporters should in the presence of the first Executive of 
the nation.] 

PRESIDENT. [To Portia, introducing the reporters in his turn] : 
These gentlemen represent the combined influence of our American 
Press. [Admiringly.] The tongue of our great country. " No other 



ACT ONE 23 

body of our community wield as extensive an influence as those who 
write for the daily and periodical press." They are our pathfinders, 
pointing to the rocks one should flee, and the land where real promise 
lies. In our country nothing is so mighty as the pen. 

PORTIA. [Playfully.] Each and every country gets the press it 
deserves and America undoubtedly has the best. 

REPORTERS. [Bowing in acknowledgment to Portia.] 

IND. DEMOCRAT. [Comes forward.] The country is in a state 
of unparalleled expectancy. 

PROGRESSIVE. [Admiringly.] And as usual, all eyes are turned 
upon the President. 

DEMOCRATIC. [Excitedly.] The treatment Uncle Sam is re- 
ceiving from Columbia is simply outrageous. What is the world com- 
ing to ? . . . 

REPUBLICAN. [Pointedly.] It hurts us as a party to allow the 
United States to be held up in this way by the Columbian grafters. 

PRESIDENT. [Facing the Reporters.] I have listened with inter- 
est to your observations. All insinuations of complicity by the Ameri- 
can government in the revolutionary movement on Panama are desti- 
tute of foundation and propriety, but the American people will no 
longer uphold the hands of their enemies against their personal inter- 
ests ... My mind is made up, and it is in full accord with the prevail- 
ing public sentiment of the moment. [Dictating.] " To the Com- 
mander in Charge of the Isthmus : Maintain free and uninterrupted 
transit. If interruption is threatened by armed force, occupy line of 
raihoad; prevent landing of any armed force with hostile intent." 

[Exit Secretary.] 

[Reporters waving their hats in excitement.] 

DEMOCRATIC. The President has great powers and he is using 
them. 

REPUBLICAN. [Tapping Progressive on the shoulder.] What 
a stroke of genius! [Hand to his forehead.] 

IND. DEMOCRAT. [To Democratic] What masterful states- 
manship ! . . . 

PROGRESSIVE. [To Republican.] Only to think that the pro- 
moters of the French Company were honest all the time, and they did 
not know it. 

PORTIA. [Admiringly, to Reporters.] Trust to the integrity of 
the worthy President to shoulder the responsibility and give the Ameri- 
can people the benefit of the doubt, to use for the good of the people 
the great powers of his great office. [Enter Secretary with telegram; 
the President reads it carefully, signs it and is about to replace the 
pen, as Portia, all excitement, comes forward. 



2i PORTIA IN POLITICS 

PORTIA. [With outstretched arms, reverently.] Mr. President, Mr. 
President, my Hfelong reverence and devotion for this pen, the pen 
which, on this occasion, has proved to be mightier than the sword, not 
merely in word but in deed. 

PRESIDENT. [Handing her the pen, gallantly.] I willingly offer 
you for nothing what is worth as much. 

[PICTURE.] 

PORTIA. [Contemplating the pen, which is extended in her right 
hand.] All the gold in the world couldn't re-purchase this pen! 
[Placing herself in attitude.] I see in this act the first practical move 
towards an achievement of which the whole world will be proud, a 
lasting monument to the progress of nations. [Holding the pen with 
both hands.] No where on earth has ever been witnessed a scene of 
such Democratic surroundings and enactment, significant of such far- 
reaching results. It is almost beyond comprehension, that this simple 
note to the Navy prevents bloodshed, destruction of property, and 
gives the world a new Republic. [Contemplating the pen.] 

PRESIDENT. [Playfully.] Ever since Admiral Dewey delivered 
America's naval souvenirs to Spain, we have had no further demand 
from other nations for additional testimonials. 

MAURICE. [Jubilant.] Oui, oui, Mr. President! 

PRESIDENT. [His hand on Portia's shoulder.] You have shown 
me the way to the new Republic ; you are an empire builder, and I am 
proud of you, my Portia. 

MAURICE. [Worked up to the highest pitch of excitement, grasp- 
ing the President's hand.] I kiss de President's hand! [Walking up 
to Portia and kissing the pen.] I kiss de mighty pen. [Kissing 
Portia.] I kiss my Portia! [Then attempting to kiss the Reporters 
who resent the attempt.] I kiss de whole world ! Long live he Presi- 
dent! Ra! Ra! Ra!... 

[The Reporters join in the excitement, waving their hats, etc.] 
AS THE CURTAIN FALLS. 



ACT TWO 23 

"PORTIA IN POLITICS" 

Act Two 

New York City, June 18th, 1910 

A large living room in Portia's house, attractively furnished and decor- 
ated ; two windows C, facing the street, curtains, etc. A perspec- 
tive view of the buildings opposite through the windows. Doors 
R, and L, U, E, draped with portieres; round table and chairs 
lower stage. This scene lends itself to much original treatment. 
During this entire act, as the action advances, the noise of a holiday 
crowd in the street, bells, rattles and horns ,music bands and 
bugles, laughter, shouting and singing are heard from time to 
time. 
Discovered Thomas standing near the table, C, which is covered with 
breakfast things — rolls and fruit, s'hining silverware and flowers, 
everything in good taste. 
[Thomas puttinir finishing touches to the breakfast table, draws the 
portieres, etc.] ^fHOMAS. Breakfast is ready — 
[Enter Maurice, in a velvet coat.] 
THOMAS [Bowing]. Good morning, sir ! 

MAURICE [Airily, placing himself in attitude]. Good morning, 
Thomas. . .1 see you are ripe and ready. [Excitedly,— glancing about 
the room and the table.] But, where are de flowers, de flowers— La! 
La ! La ! La ! La ! — never since our marriage has my Portia missed 
dem for a single day. [Gesticulating, walking about excitedly to and 
fro.] How careless you have grown since we arrived in New York. 
[Impatiently.] La! La! La! La! La! 

THOMAS [Reassuring, as he rearranges the things on table]. 
They will come. The florist promises to be punctual in the future, 
but to-day. to-day he would make no guarantee as to the exact time 
of delivery. [Enter Portia, dressed neatly in a morning gown.] 

THOMAS [Bowing low]. Good morning, m'me— [Maurice greet- 
ing her affectionately, but unnoticed by her he displays in the air his 
empty hands, looking daggers at Thomas.] [Bus.] 

PORTIA [Taking .her seat at the table, C, facing audience] 
Punctual, as usual, Thomas. [Thomas bows and exits.] 

[Maurice seats himself on the right of Portia, his right hand on 
her wrist.] 

PORTIA [Making an effort to free her arm]. If you will only 

free my hand, my dear, I will pour out another cup of coffee for you. 

MAURICE [Retaining his hold, fondly]. Never mind the coffee! 

. . . [Dreamily.] Darling, you don't know how refreshing it is after 



26 



PORTIA IN POLITICS 



all de months of toil, of nights under canvas, of feverish gallops over 
sands and swamps, to spend dis hot season in our own city home, to 
hear your sweet voice, to see your beautiful face ! 

PORTIA [Withdrawing her arm and helping him to more coffee] . 
You talk as if we had been separated. [Fondling him.] Haven't I 
been with you through all your travels on the Isthmus, helping to 
solve the problems of keeping the 35,000 employees in order, caring 
for their welfare and contentment. 

MAURICE [Getting hold of her arm again]. True, I don't know 
what we would have done without you. It is easy for us men to 
prosecute what has already been determined for us. We are used to 
de rushing dirt trains, de shriek of steam whistles and de clang of 
iron on iron all day long. Wid transit and chain we are contentedly 
laying out drainage ditches and de roar of dynamite blasts has become 
a sort of music to our ears, but how many of us could hold out against 
de voice of a disgruntled and dissatisfied wife at home? To you, my 
dear, belongs de credit for making de women on de canal contented 
wid deir surroundings, glad to make Panama deir home. 

PORTIA [Passing the rolls]. And it was a labor of love, I assure 
you; the canal is the most stupendous work that man ever dared to 
undertake, the greatest engineering triumph of the century, and I was 
more than glad, my dear, to add my little mite to assist United Col- 
lective Action. The engineering work of " Gatun Dam " and locks, 
the " Culebra Cut " are wonderful. [Dreamily.] How great are thy 
works, oh. Uncle Sam!. . . 

MAURICE [Getting hold of her arm]. How overwhelming dy 
influence, oh, woman! De smile which invigorates, de magic touch 
which restores. I wish I had words strong enough to tell you how 
much in particular I love you. In your presence I can see noding, 
dink of noding but you. 

PORTIA [Passing the fruit]. Better think of the cause which has 
brought us East, all the way from Panama, of the Colonel's return 
from the most extraordinary individual pilgrimage of modern days. 

MAURICE. No, I haven't forgotten de Colonel. No one in dis 
great RepubHc rejoices more at his safe return, but [taking out a jewel 
box from his pocket, opening it, and handing it to her] I passed by 
Tiffany's store last night, just as dey were closing and saw a bracelet, 
which I dought would just fit dis electric arm of yours. 

PORTIA [Contemplating the bracelet]. Maurice, you are a dear- 
it's just the thing I was longing for. How the beautiful things 
sparkle. [Embracing.] [Enter Senator.] 

[Somewhat confused, but radiant, they return to their former 
positions.] 



ACT TWO 27 

SENATOR [To Portia, extending hand]. My dear Marchioness, 
more charming than ever, you are positively getting younger, how ever 
do you manage it? [Unwrapping a bouquet which he hands to Portia.] 
On a day like this I would take no chances with the florist's messenger. 
[To Maurice.] How is our toy Republic? How is the climate? 
MAURICE [Pointedly]. The climate does not bodder us married 
men. 

PORTIA [Playfully]. Maurice maintains that the bachelors on 
the job after a year or so of work become despondent, depressed and 
visions of Chicago and New York with familiar scenes and fond asso- 
ciations begin to float out on the curling wreaths of smoke from their 
pipes, cigars and cigarettes. 

MAURICE [Excitedly]. I tell you, Senator, dat in each and every 
instance where a man remained steady on de job for two years de 
influence can easily be traced to some good woman who kept him 
dere, and de medal given by de government on such occasions right- 
fully belongs to de woman, not to de man, but dis is not de only ding 
where correction is wanted at de works. 

SENATOR [Consulting his watch, nervously]. We are assigned 
to the same carriage, Marquis, and time is pressing. You wouldn't 
like to miss the procession after traveling all the way from Panama 
exclusively for it, yet, this is exactly What will happen, if— 
[interrupted.] 

PORTIA [Playfully]. Nonsense, Senator, it's only 9:30; come, 
sit down and join us to a cup of cofifee. 

SENATOR [Gallantly]. No, thank you— I hate the very name— 
MAURICE [Excitedly]. He says yes, my dear. [To Senator.] 
Be not agitated, be not agitated. .. [Consulting his watch in turn.] 
We have ample time; do stay; I shall be glad to relieve my mind 
before de Senator, who, of all oders, can give us a helping hand. 
[Portia pours out cofifee for him, and Maurice forces him into a seat.] 
De copper trust has put so much iron in our screens dat dey fall to 
pieces wid rust in no time ! De beef trust's meat are tainted. [Ges- 
ticulating.] La! La! La! La! La! Again de red tape of de com- 
mission makes me tired ... I lose my temper every time I speak about 
it. De canal is being built by administrative evasion. [Gesticulating.] 
If it were not for dis, heaven only knows when it would be finished. 
[His fist on the table.] I tell you, Senator, many of de obstacles due 
to existing stringent, uncalled-for laws will have to be eliminated . . . 
[Hand in the air.] I am de man on de job, and I tell you... 
[Interrupted.] 

PORTIA [Pours out cofifee for the Senator]. True, Senator, the 
Panama situation to-day requires skilled diplomats even more than, 
that of trained engineers. 



28 PORTIA IN POLITICS 

SENATOR [Taking coffee]. We will talk about Panama as we 
go. I see you haven't been out, while I have. The streets are a 
packed mass of cheering humanity, and the police are inadequate to 
cope with the situation. They are not used to such crowds [drinking]. 

MAURICE [As he exits]. I will not be long... Once de subway 
express is reached, de Battery is not far off, and dere we are. 

SENATOR [Gesticulating]. Yes, there we are. Wait until you 
see the thousands who are ahead of you... [To Portia.] Even the 
Hudson looks black-covered with countless steamboats heavily crowded 
with spectators, steaming up behind the parading fleet, nearly two 
hundred strong. It is a reception the like of which has never been 
recorded in history. 

PORTIA. I am glad New York is doing its best as a host in behalf 
of the nation. 

SENATOR [Gallantly, returning his cup to the table]. The coffee 
was just what I needed. You must let me come in the evening in my 
touring car and show you Chinatown. Fifth Avenue, with its decor- 
ated clubs looks like a veritable sea of stars and stripes, but it is in 
the foreign quarters that the color scheme is at its best. 

PORTIA [Tapping his shoulder]. Talk to my husband — I shall 
be glad to go. [Amiably.] My opinion about you has materially 
improved since your conversion to the cause of Woman Suffrage. 
The right to vote is never so earnestly claimed by those who are 
happy in this world as by the others; it is for these others it is 
demanded, and through this it is sacred, 

SENATOR. Woman's suffrage has passed the stage of argument. 
As far as I am concerned, I am ashamed I ever opposed it. [Play- 
fully,] I am all for you. Politicians are no longer able to evade 
the question of votes for women. It has become a great problem, both 
social and national. As for you, personally, if you were not married, 
I would tell you all the ideas in my head, 

PORTIA [Playing with her fan], I am heartily glad you are with 
us in our struggle for emancipation, and against the narrow interpre- 
tation of the declaration of the rights of man. It is not enough for 
us women to exert an influence, we want to exert our direct action ; 
we want to act. to struggle, to vote in the government as in the home, 
and we shall triumph because we must, 

[Enter Maurice in his out-of-door clothes, the Senator joining him.] 

SENATOR. Help me persuade the Marchioness to join us for the 
evening parade. 

MAURICE [Kissing his wife and studying her expression]. Cer- 
tainly, Senator, we shall be delighted. 

PORTIA [To Maurice]. When I first met your wife in Washing- 



ACT TWO 29 

ton, I admired her from a distance ; to-day, I was glad of the oppor- 
tunity to tell her so personally. [Both exit.] 

[Portia busies herself for sometime with the newspapers on the 
table, consulting only the first pages in each instant, particularly 
those with the Colonel's photograph on the title page — then walks 
over to piano, singing and playing, selection.] 

[Enter Thomas, bringing with him a florist's box tied up with a 
pink ribbon.] 

THOMAS [Handing box to Portia]. This box has just arrived. 
[Busies himself with clearing the table.]. [Aside.] If it had only 
arrived an hour sooner! 

PORTIA [Taking box, opening it and examining bouquet] From 
Maurice — his usual offering. It's not every woman who can boast of 
receiving such original bouquets [pause] from her own husband. 
[Smelling the flowers, continues her playing and singing.] 

[Thomas, with all the silverware and other breakfast things on his 
tray, walking toward the door. . .Suddenly there is a roar of thunder, 
a quiver of the earth and Portia has difficulty in holding on to her 
stool, supporting herself on the piano, her singing and playing stop 
abruptly. Thomas drops to the floor in a sitting position and the 
things on his tray scatter all over the room.] 

[PICTURE] 

THOMAS [Frightened and unnerved, making the sign of the 
cross]. The world is coming to an end. ..Oh, my God!. ..Why did 
we ever leave Panama I ... I will rather face the Banana Knives of 
Panama than be shot to pieces under the Con-sti-too-tion ! . . . 

PORTIA [Completely recovered and smiling broadly]. Don't talk 
nonsense, Thomas ; this was the salute of our 31 guns to the returning 
hero. He has arrived ! He has arrived ! My out-of-door clothes, — I 
will not deliberately miss this sight ! 

[Exit Thomas, hurriedly, taking the tray with him, also the silver- 
ware, 'but leaving some food scattered on the floor. Portia shortly 
follows.] 

[The room remains empty; the noise in the street is at its height, 
horns, rattles and all kinds of noise-making devices are in full play, 
also music of passing troops.] 

[The street bell rings. Thomas shows himself at the door. Enter 
the four Reporters, hats in hand. As they are left alone, the Progres- 
sive and Independent Democratic Reporters wipe the prespiration from 
their faces, etc.] 

INDEPENDENT DEM. [His right hand to his collar]. My collar 
is on the blink. 

PROGRESSIVE [Taking out two soft collars from his pocket]. 



30 PORTIA IN POLITICS 

So is mine — so is mine. [Reassuring himself that they are alone, he 
helps himself to one of the collars, replacing the old one, handing the 
other to the Independent Democrat.] 

INDEPENDENT DEM. [Removing his old collar and disappointed 
at finding the new collar too small for his neck] . . . [Bus.] . . .The Re- 
publican Reporter, noticing the situation, lends him a pocket knife in 
dumb show. The buttonhole is then enlarged and the new collar used. 
[Picture.] 

IND. REP. [Noticing the rolls scattered all over the floor]. Food! 
Food! [Placing hat on table, picking up a roll and devouring it 
greedily.] I have been up since five this morning and didn't eat since 
last night ! . . . 

REPUBLICAN [Picking up in turn another roll and biting into it, 
after some hesitation]. I've read your story and description of the 
parade [taking out newspaper from his pocket and reading] : 

" From every conceivable makeshift pinnacle, roofs, windows, 
barrels and boxes, men, women and children greet the hero with cheers 
of welcome waving of handkerchiefs, umbrellas and canes." This 
edition was for sale in the streets five minutes after the Colonel landed. 
It couldn't have been written then, and if prepared in advance, you 
might have written it six weeks ahead. . . [pause]. You see my point — 
there was no need for your getting up at five o'clock in the morning 
to do it ! . . . 

[The Independent, Democratic and Progressive join in the laugh as 
they help themselves to fruit, the Independent to an apple and the 
Progressive to a banana.] 

DEMOCRAT [Indignantly]. True, my copy was prepared in ad- 
vance, and in anticipation of what was most likely to happen. I 
remained on my job to the last minute, watching the streets and the 
crowds, and if further developments didn't warrant it, the entire edi- 
tion would have been withdrawn!. . .But what about you? 

[Taking out copy of Republican's paper from his pocket and 
reading] : 

" East and West, North and South, the entire city is decked with 
flags and banners. [Emphatically.] Chinatown is ablaze with lighted 
red, white and blue lanterns, the lighted electric bulbs in all colors, 
the fruit of the delicate electric vines are lacing the tenements in a 
bond of sympathy." [Punching the paper.] Now, my friends, you 
know perfectly well that the lanterns in Chinatown will not be lighted 

until this evening. 

[Independent and Progressive join in the laugh.] 

REPUBLICAN [Plaintively]. I admit to have written it, but it is 
still in my pocket!. .. [Hands to his pockets, taking out paper and 
unfolding it.] But where did you get a copy? 



ACT TWO 31 

DEMOCRAT. [Pointing to column in newspaper before him.] 
Here it is as large as life, and as foolish as your head. 

REUPBLICAN. [Taking the newspaper from his companion, and 
a written paper from his pocket, reading his written copy] : 

"The home made banners on the East side fire escapes fastened 
with clothes-pins, add much to the picturesque color scheme of the 
nation [pointing to paper] .. .Now, this is what I intended for the 
morning edition. 

DEMOCRATIC. You did, did you ? 

REPUBLICAN. [Reflectively.] Oh, I see it now, well, what do 
you think!. . .in the hurry. . .looking into a candy store window dis- 
playing paper lions and tigers leaping amid candy jungle, grass and 
flags, I placed my hand in the wrong pocket and gave the office boy 
the evening copy instead. 

[Noise in the street below makes itself heard.] 

IND. DEMOCRAT. [His R hand on the Republican's L shoulder.] 
Friends, there is nothing to quarrel about ; your reports are far from 
exaggeration. Both the parades on land as well as on sea were most 
successful. [Walking towards C] No circumstance appropriate to a 
triumphal entry was wanting; if anything, your description falls 
way behind, compared with what really happened. 

PROGRESSIVE. [Biting into an apple.] The crowd's, bands and 
the shouting were good in their place, 'but above all, there was 
a sincere heartiness of greeting vv'hich could not be duplicated and 
that is the thing which has impressed me most. 

DEMOCRATIC, [Joining them, centre.] True, it was a country- 
wide rejoicing at his safe and sound return. 

IND, DEMOCRAT, [Eating,] You are right,.., the demonstration 
comes from the heart, as if he were a favorite son returning from 
his wanderings, and the crowd a collective mother. 

REPUBLICAN. [Excitedly.] Representing practically every im- 
portant State and large city in the country, there were over 30,000 
people in the procession. 

PROGRESSIVE. [Reflectively.] I wonder if he fully realized what 
it all means when he stepped ashore and looked into the thousands 
of citizens faces, gathered in good-will to do him honor? 

[To Republican.] Tell me, friend, how did you first meet the 
Colonel ? 

REPUBLICAN. When his regiment of Rough Riders was or- 
ganized . , , He understands how to accept honors, and knows equally 
as well how to rough it, for he didn't have an easy time then. Like 
the rest of us, he carried his own bed and his own dinner on his own 
back. . .our food and shelter being identical. Like us he unrolled his 



32 PORTIA IN POLITICS 

blanket and lay upon it on the damp ground at night, pounding his own 
coffee in his cup early in the morning. 

IND. DEMOCRAT. [Joining them.] Do you remember how, 
against orders he removed us from underneath the shadow of the 
military baloon which had been sent up right above the army? The 
Spaniards concentrated their fire in the direction of our baloon, and 
were it not for the Colonel's independence of thought and action, 
neither of us would have been alive to-day to tell this story. 

DEMOCRATIC. For or against instructions, and whether it was a 
question of saving life or risking it, his orders were always obeyed. 
Didn't his regiment follow him to a man when he ad>vanced on St. 
Juan Hill? 

PROGRESSIVE. His handkerchief became the battleflag of St. 
Juan Hill when the astonished darkies split and let him pass through 
their ranks, and mark my word, it will not be the last time When his 
red bandana will figure in the making of modern American history. 

REPUBLICAN. You are right. His shoulder straps have been alto- 
gether too light to crush out this powerful man's initiative. He knows 
what he wants, and I have never met another man who was willing 
to work so hard' to get it. I have carefully examined many of the 
interesting things he reclaimed from the heart of the wilderness, as 
well as some of his momentos from the capitals of the mightiest and 
most highly polished civilizations. 

IND. DEMOCRAT. His African expedition was a huge success, 
as big indeed as everything he has ever undertaken, and his chief 
weakness, if he has any, seems to be no other but his cruel strength. 
His past, present, and future are summed up in the one word, success. 

[Repeated shouting in the street below, horns, bells, rattles and all 
other kinds of noise making devices making themselves heard. Music 
etc., followed by cries.] Long live our hero!. . . 

[Enter Portia.] 

[She is in out of door clothes and hat, looking her prettiest in 
a different gown, shaking hands with each one separately, smiling 
into their faces, as she meets them in turn. 

PORTIA. [To the Democratic reporter.] I am glad to see you. 

[To the Republican.] Delighted to see you. 

[To Independent Democrat.] Welcome, very welcome!. . . 

[To Progressive.] Charmed, charmed!... 

[To all of them, as she stops to take up her out of door things.] 
This is a pleasant surprise, welcome, boys, welcome to my home ! 
It's a long time since we last met in Washington. 

[The Reporters group around her, anxious to make themselves 
useful. She hands her gloves to the Democratic Reporter, allows 
Progressive to pull off sleeve of R. arm and the Independent Democrat 



ACT TWO 33 

the left sleeve. The Republican Reporter comes in for the hat; the 
reporters smiling and nodding to her as she talks, relieving each in turn 
of her things.] 

[To Democrat, getting her gloves and placing them on chair.] 
Thank you . 

[To Republican, relieving him of her hat.] Thank you very much. 
[To Independent Democrat, relieving him of coat.] You are very 
kind. 

[To Progressive, giving him a squeeze of the arm.] I am simply 
delighted to see you again. [Replacing things on chair.] 

Reporters [together.] So very glad you have returned. 

PORTIA. What a splendid, what a brilliant reception for our na- 
tional hero, how every one of his movements was watched and every 
glance studied [pausing for breath.] How heavenly it must be to 
be great, to have all the world heralding your name and fame. 

DEM. REPORTER [to Republican— aside.] How handsome she 
is! 

PROGRESSIVE to Portia. [Yes, we all love [pause] him and 
our love is without an end. 

REPUBLICAN. [Proudly.] We are the four Americans who were 
first in greeting the Colonel upon his return to civilization. 

PROGRESSIVE. Ours were the first four hats which were waved 
frantically to greet him with a home-made American flag at our mast 
head. 

DEMOCRATIC. We were the first to receive the swing of his 
olive green helmet in response. 

IND. DEMOCRAT. The first to press his outstretched hand, the 
first to receive his smile of welcome— the first vanguard of the civiliza- 
tion he left. 

REPUBLICAN. [Placing himself in attitude.] And what a time we 
have had, racing eight thousand miles to the other end of the worid 
to reach him, to see him, to bring tidings of him to his people. 

DEMOCRATIC. [Nudging the Republican Reporter.] What keen 
rivalry in the effort of reaching him first. 

IND. DEMOCRAT. [Boastfully.] Realizing the interest of the 
American people in knowing every detail of his experiences, time, 
money and distance didn't count. 

PROGRESSIVE. That, trip will live forever in the memory of all 
participants. We have followed him through many lands, where kings 
and presidents, governments and municipalities were rivaling each other 
for his entertainment. 

DEMOCRATIC. Yes, it was a duty which was a privilege. Talk of 
American enthusiasm, you should have seen Europe. 



34 PORTIA IN POLITICS 

IND. DEMOCRAT. The character of the reception he received 
abroad made us realize the unequally high position America holds in 
the world's affairs, and the high regard in which he is held personally. 

PORTIA. I am glad that we are all equally enthusiastic for hmi. but 
all ithe more confused why at this of all times you should call upon 
me, instead of shouting in the streets with the rest. To what am I m- 
debted for this great pleasure. 

PROGRESSIVE. [As they all make for the newspapers in their 

pockets.] 

Our work in the street started at day break, and [pointmg to the 

copies] it's finished. 

DEMOCRATIC. [Replacing his papers.] As to this particular visit, 
you owe it to yourself and your intimate acquaintance with the condi- 
tions at Panama. 

REPUBLICAN. [Waiving his paper in the air.] Of course you 
realize that on this of all days the public interest in his favorite child, 
the Panama canal, is intense. 

PORTIA. [Rings the bell for Thomas, who enters.] Bring some 
refreshments, Thomas. 

[Exit Thomas— returning shortly with tray of soft drinks, and 

exits.] 

PORTIA. [As she fills the glasses.] You will not say no to re- 
freshments, boys. I had a hard time pushing through the crowds and 
can imagine how thirsty you must be. . . 

[To Republican Reporter.] What will you have? 

Republican. [Bowing low.] Thank you, nothing!... 

DEMOCRATIC. [Catching her look, absent mindedly.] I will have 
the same. 

IND. DEMOCRAT. [Taking some lemonade.] You are very con- 
siderate. 

ROGRESSIVE. [Accepting some seltzer.] You are very kind. 

PORTIA. [To the Republican Reporter.] Can't I induce you to 
take something? [Noticing the change of expression.] Do it for my 
sake ! 

DEMOCRATIC. My editor thinks that the canal will never be 
finished, and even if it is, a thousand and one little things will creep 
up which will prevent it from being used. 

PORTIA. [As she passes lemonade to the Rep. Reporter.] The 
canal, my friends, has already taken definite shape, even the uninitiated 
can see the grandeur of its conception, intricacy of detail and eflfi- 
ciency of execution. 

[Offering lemonade to democratic reporter who is dying to take it. 
but still insists on ceremony.] 



ACT TWO 35 

Great strides have been made in all directions. These have been 
busy years of marked progress [a glass suspended in her hand], soon, 
very soon, the ships of the world will be passing through it... The 
American Eagle will spread and flap his wings, and the biblical ex- 
pression, "The Spirit of God ever moving upon the face of the waters" 
will become a visible reality, a tangible fact, uniting the two oceans 
for the navigation and commerce of all nations. 

REPUBLICAN) ,^ , ^ ^ 

DEMOCRATICC [together.] The work then is booming; it's 

success is assured. 

PORTIA. [Emphatically.] Thoroughly and absolutely !.. .To the 
Colonel will belong the credit for this greatest undertaking of the age, 
for this achievement without parallel. . .the dreams of the past have be- 
■ come the realities of the present and the hopes for the future. If 
Columbus came to life to-day, he would find his many attempts and 
failures crowned with success at last. [Placing herself in attitude.] 
The hundred and twenty five square miles lake laughed at as pre- 
posterous as late as 1897, when the International Congress met in 
Paris ... is a practical reality now and sixty per cent, of the con- 
crete on the locks is already in place. There is no temptation to gamble 
with our machinery and men on the job, they are sure winners both. 

REPUBLICAN. [Returning his emptied glass.] What is the aver- 
age horse power at which the work of men and machines is carried out 
on the canal ? 

PORTIA. [Replacing empties on tray.] It's impossible to calculate 
the horse-power represented by the terrific forces of dynamite which 
tear down loose the ribs of the mountain, crushing the hills to bits. 
Again the monsters of steel, whose food is fire, and whose breath is 
alternate steam and black smoke are actually accomplishing v^^onders. 

DEMOCRATIC. [Extending his glass for more lemonade and 
getting it.] How is the new force of collective activity progressing? 

PORTIA. [Busy with the refreshments.] It has developed with 
amazing success, and is well worth considering as a means of solving 
our problems at home [pause] . . .We may well be proud of the canal 
as a nation. It is something we have done by ourselves, but not en- 
tirely for ourselves. The Panama canal is quickly developing as the 
father of the waters. 

DEMOCR.\TIC. [Playfully.] Yes, and as the mother too, the 
mother of apropriations. 

PORTIA. [Now, friends, I am just dying to know the new impres- 
sions of your travel. [To Progressive, nudging him.] Tell me, tell 
me something about your European excitements and experiences. 



36 PORTIA IN POLITICS 

PROGRESSIVE. Speaking strictly for myself, the feeling is 
similar to that of returning from seeing Coney Island on a combina- 
tion ticket. 

REPUBLICAN. [Approvingly.] True, uppermost in my mind are 
camels, and speeches, marching regiments, and statutes, missionaries, 
and deserts, pyramids, and dinners. 

IND. DEMOCRAT. But as to the Colonel, he is the premier Am- 
erican whose influence upon the old world has been most beneficial. 
The deep impression his personality, character, aim, and methods as 
a civil and social reformer have made upon the world is proved by 
the unequaled reception accorded him by the great rulers of Europe. 
His journey leaves behind it a shining track of friendship and inspira- 
tion. 

DEMOCRATIC. I admire his courage, his excellent common 
sense, and regard him as a prophet to the great family of nations. 
As to his reception in Europe, never have kings or emperors attracted 
so much attention. No other living man has touched the imagination 
of the world in anything like the same degree. He has taken Europe 
by storm, and Europe was glad to be so taken. 

REPUBLICAN. Before his personality, the world's aristocrats 
have unbent. He has strengthened the esteem in which Americans will 
henceforth be held abroad. 

PROGRESSIVE. On the Continent, he occupied a place quite 
unique. People regard him as something more than a king. I have 
watched his marvelous progress at all times, everywhere, and am de- 
lighted. 

IND. DEMOCRAT. Europe no longer considers an order or a 
college degree of real value unless he condescends to accept it. 

PORTIA. Many good people are so very uninteresting, and again, 
many interesting people are anything but good; he is both thoroughly 
good, and thoroughly interesting. [Enter Maurice.] 

MAURICE. [Greeting the reporters, and shaking hands cordially.] 
Dere was de greatest collection of picked human flowers ever assembled 
in one procession, and officials were as thick as huckleberries. La, La, 
La, La, La! What a glorious reception for our friend, de Colonel! 
What enthusiasm! Why should dis man exercise such an influence 
everywhere? Is he a Moses, or a Napoleon, dey ask? 

PORTIA. [Playfully.] Making no allowances for the elapse of 
time, I would say he is more. It has taken Moses forty years to 
travel a distance of but 180 miles, and he never addressed a larger 
audience than a tribe of Jews in the forest. The Colonel traveled five 
thousand miles in five weeks, and his audiences which embody kings 
and emperors, may be counted by millions, everything he says being 
immediately translated into all languages, everywhere. As to Napoleon 



ACT TWO 37 

. . . Napoleon in his insolence and exaggerated vanity made his way 
over broken promises and seas of blood. He was a hero of massacres ; 
the Colonel is a hero of liberty. 

MAURICE. Dis was some demonstration ! La, la, La, la, la what 
a crowd ! What style ! . . . I regret dat I did not succeed to get near 
de Colonel!. . .Dignitaries and officers of state were as dick as huckle- 
berries and no individual did really count. 

PROGRESSIVE. [Sympathetically.] That is indeed disappointing 
after all the trouble you have taken to come all the way from Panama. 

PORTIA. [Helping Maurice to lemonade.] Among the 30,000 in 
line there were a good many visitors from the further States of the 
Union, whose visit was accompanied with greater hardships than 
ours. .. [pause] .. .It was different though when the Colonel visited 
Panama. 

MAURICE. [Dreamily, after drinking.] Dere it was my Portia 
who has made de flags flying, de trumpets blowing, and de bands play- 
ing. Dere she was indeed de' front and rear of de procession. . . 
[Spills some on the Progressive's coat.] Pardon, pardon!. . . 

PORTIA. [Helping to dry the reporters coat.] Take it from me, 
boys, it isn't the feeling that I... that we' have been neglected ... It 
is the regret of being unable to do more at this moment of national 
rejoicing that worries me. 

REPORTERS [Sympathetically.] Yes, Marchioness, we under- 
stand you perfectly. 

MAURICE. [The telephone bell rings, Maurice walks up leisurely 
and removing receiver, holds it in his hand while talking, absent- 
mindedly forgetting to place it near his ear. Bus.] 

I tell you, my friends, if ever I felt like a small potato this was the 
day! [Placing receiver near ear, as the bell continues to ring.] 

Hello — yes, he is in, but he is very busy. . .yes. . .busy, [winking to 
the reporters while again removing receiver, as above.] 

[To Portia.] Small potato hardly expresses it... a toothpick, a 
broken, discarded toodpick is nearer my mark. [Listening at 'phone 
and changing his expression to extreme excitability.] 

Will you kindly repeat it?. . .Yes. ..Yes, I am de Marquis. . .Oh, 
indeed .... Honored, delighted, charmed ! . . . .charmed .... Goodbye. 
[Hangs up receiver,] 

[Excitedly.] My darling, my friends, I have just been surprised 
wid de announcement dat we are to have a visitor. . .de distinguished 
visitor wid us. 

REPORTERS. [Excitedly.] Well, well, well! 

PORTIA. [Uneasy.] Well, I declare! [Pausing for breath.] You 
don't mean to tell me that they, that he. . . [nervously examining her 
appearance before the mirror.] 



38 PORTIA IN POLITICS 

MAURICE. [Pointing in the direction of telephone, then waving 
his hands in the air,] Exactly, de Colonel is on his way here. We 
must show all honor to de distinguished guest. 

REPORTERS. [Getting ready to go.] Well this is practically an 
order for us to go. [Regretfully, fixing their gaze on Portia.] But 
what an opportunity for a brilliant write-up ! 

PROGRESSIVE. [Reflectively.] A chance of a life time, upon my 
•word! A kingdom, a kingdom for a bunch of flowers! [To his com- 
panions.] Is there a way to get it somehow. . .borrow it, steal it?. . . 

PORTIA. [Bringing forward boquet given to her by the Senator; 
unfastening it and distributing the flowers carelessly among the re- 
porters, to their amazement as she proceeds.] I am so excited at 
the unexpected honor! Wait, boys, let me think, let me think! 

[To Maurice, pointing to her dress.] Is this the proper dress, my 
dear? [Placing her things on chair in a better position.] 

MAURICE. [Nervously.] Your dress is all right, but how are you 
going to receive him? Let's put our heads together. La, La, la la la. 

[The reporters, unaware of the other bouquet quickly club together 
their flowers and all together work at putting the wire together and 
fastening it into a bouquet again.] [Picture.] 

PORTIA. [Bringing forward her other bouquet, contemplating the 
flowers.] These flowers, boys, are yours [pointing to buttonholes]. 
We will present him with this bouquet, as a present from the repre- 
sentatives of the Press. . . 

REPORTERS, together. [Clapping their hands.] Capital; splendid! 
Bully! Excellent!. . . 

PROGRESSIVE. [Examining bouquet.] I call it ripping!... 

PORTIA. [Excitedly.] Bring in the Colonel's portrait, Maurice, 
the flags and decorations. .. [To Reporters as Maurice exits.] Bring 
the table up to the centre wall, boys please. . . [The reporters do so 
hurriedly, placing chair on the table, the fat Democratic Reporter 
jumps on the chair anxious for the opportunity of arranging the 
decorations, as Maurice returns, portrait and flage in hand. 

MAURICE. [Excitedly, as he studies the position of portrait on 
wall, which is a little one s;ided.] La, la, la la la, dis will never do, 
come down... [The fat reporter has more difficulty in coming down 
than he had in jumping up and is carried down by his companions, as 
Maurice mounts the chair, correcting the positions of portrait and flags. 
The Reporter and Portia each in turn helping with the decorations, re- 
placing of table, chair, etc. [Picture.] 

As he comes down Maurice treads on his right toe with his left foot. 
[Bus.] 



ACT TWO 39 

DEMOCRATIC. [To Portia.] If we want this thing to go off 
right, we'd better rehearse before hand, to get it perfect. 

PORTIA. [Taking kindly to the suggestion.] Undoubtedly, re- 
hearsing will assist our doing it decently. 

DEMOCRATIC. [With swelled chest and outstretched R. arm, 
holding a newspaper behind him in his L., addressing himself to 
Portia as if she were the Colonel.] Welcome, trice welcome to your 
native land and your home town ! We are more glad than we can say 
to see you home again! [Stealthily bringing forward the hand holding 
the newspaper, turning and looking at it, then replacing it to its 
former position.] 

We have watched with delight every inch of progress made during 
your travels in foreign lands [consults paper again as above.] The 
honors showered upon you by the leading nations of the world, and 
have gloried in it all. [At this, he drops the newspaper to the floor be- 
hind him, bending down and picking up the bouquet, is about to 
ofifer it to Portia.] 

We are glad, heartily glad to welcome you ! . . . 

[The Republican reporter picks up the newspaper, the Independent 
Democrat intercepts the flowers.] 

PROGRESSIVE. [Excitedly.] This will never do, why it's ridicul- 
ous, [sneeringly], and this is the best that can be done by one of the 
most brilliant journalists before the public. 

MAURICE. [Excitedly.] Pardon, pardon, I rader liked it. 

PORTIA. [Waving hand to Democratic reporter.] So do I, I 
think it will do nicely. 

PROGRESSIVE. [Taking the newspaper from the Republican, 
placing his finger on the exact spot where the Mayor's speech is 
printed.] Yes, yes. Marquis, it has done nicely when it was deHvered 
by the Mayor this morning. 

MAURICE. [Threateningly to Democratic reporter.] La, la, la la la! 

DEMOCRATIC. [Replacing bouquet.] It's quite true, but I hoped 
to paraphrase it, so that it would not be noticed. Oh, you critics!. . . 

PROGRESSIVE. [Taking the position formerly occupied by 
Democratic, his shoulders well thrown back, head erect, chin level, 
arms loosely at the sides, speaking with energy, life and force, as he 
starts] : 

Colonel, Master, Sir: You are the chosen messenger of destiny to 
emancipate nations and races, the man who is scattering sunshine 
royally. [Bows slightly and gracefully from the waist.] 

To few men has it been given to render such services as you rend- 
ered to the world. [Clears throat and wipes mouth with handker- 
chief.] 



40 PORTIA IN POLITICS 

You are to the people what the sun is to the universe, you are 
the embodiment of new hope for men. [Pushing back his hair with a 
slow and graceful movement.] 

You have always labored for the country's good, and we as the 
representatives of the American people delight to do you honor. 
[Stretching out his hands and getting hold of bouquet.] You have 
made the American people think, and will make them think with good 
results to the nation, 

[Nervously plucking the petals of the flowers, confused.] 

We are. . .your are. . . [Wipes prespiration from forehead.] 

iG)Ionel, Master, Sir... [With swelled chest and outstretched arms 
prepared for a further flow of oratory which does not come.] Isn't it 
frightfully hot!. .. 

DEMOCRATIC. [Sardonically.] Yes, roasting! Sit down, you 
have just finished, my friend. You have finished ; you may not know 
it, but you have. 

PORTIA. [Sympathetically.] It was all right, as far as it went. 

REPUBLICAN. [Protestingly.] So he did, so he did, but the 
trouble with these enthusiasts is they don't know when to stop. [All 
excitement.] 

INDEPENDENT DEMOCRAT. [Regretfully.] I am truly sorry. 
This is a momentous occasion, and he is not to be trusted. I am 
sorry but he has only himself to blame. 

MAURICE. [Coming to the rescue.] My darling and friends, I will 
pay my respects to de Colonel ! . . . I will do de talking. . .La, la, la la la ! 
Where is de bouquet? [Finding it and placing himself in a grotesque 
position.] [Picture.] 

PORTIA. [Kindly.] Darling, whoever taught you to pose like 
this?... 

MAURICE. [In a more pleasing position, but does not exactly 
know what to do with his hands, beginning in a high nervous voice, of 
rapid fire delivery, suggesting an earthquake announcing its exit from 
the bowels of the earth, with accent on the e, in the word Colonel.] 

Colonel, Colonel, Colonel: When you speak de world listens, de 
people of all nations are your audiences, and your popularity is gain- 
ing constantly by the flight of time. Colonel, Colonel, Colonel — [In- 
terrupted.] 

PORTIA. [Pointedly.] This address, my dear, is to be not in- 
ternational but local, try another key, darling. . . 

MAURICE. [Confused at first, then more composed.] You are 
regarded as America's greatest apostle of justice in public life; no 
President could have stood nearer de people, or been more approach- 
able. 



ACT TWO 41 

PORTIA. [Clapping her hands.] This is better, much better. 

MAURICE. [Gaining courage.] You are de observed of all ob- 
servers, eclipsing in popular interests all the crowned heads of Europe. 
[Bringing bouquet forward.] You are a statesman whose intimate as- 
sociation wid de rulers of Europe make him de leading statesman of de 
new world. 

PORTIA. [Critically.] I am sorry to interrupt you. darling, but 
you are branching out into internationalism again. 

MAURICE. [Excitedly, dropping bouquet, picking it up and re- 
placing on table.] Mon die, mon die! [To the reporters.] Could any 
man make a good speech wid his wife around? No, no, I shall not 
speak, I am out of it, do what you like, I have finished!. . . 

PORTIA. [To Republican reporter, encouragingly.] Here, my 
friend, you look the part. . .1 can see in your face that you know ex- 
actly what we want and how it is wanted [handing him the bouquet 
as a sign to proceed.] 

REPUBLICAN. [With a self satisfied expression, but in a rather 
husky voice at the start.] We are delighted to add the homage of 
our acclaim to the man whose methods as a reformer have made a 
deep impression upon the world. . .Our hearts beat high in your pres- 
ence when confronted with the vitalizing qualities of your moral 
earnestness. . . 

PORTIA. [To Maurice.] This is just how it should be, it's the 

right key. 

MAURICE. [Protestingly.] La, la, la la la! It's not any more 

local dan what I said. 

DEMOCRATIC. [Excitedly.] Go ahead, friend, finish it, finish it, 

finish it. 

REPUBLICAN. [Resuming former position.] You have arrested 
the evil tendencies of the age and awakened the public conscience. 
You have [interrupted] ... 

PROGRESSIVE. [Protestingly.] Wait a minute; this is my copy 
slightly altered. ..[to the others] isn't it the very things which I 
said?. . . 

REPUBLICAN. No, no; besides, I will cut the last sentence 
out. . . [Sneeringly] You should be proud that at least something of 
what you said could be put to practical use. . .Where was I. . . [Nerv- 
ously, his face worn and paler, waving his R hand before him.] 

We are delighted to add the homage of our acclaim [his hand to his 
forehead] . . .We are delighted. . . 

DEMOCRATIC. [Pointing with his R hand.] You said that at 
the beginning, friend. 

MAURICE. [Sharply.] Yes. comrade, at de very beginning. 



43 PORTIA IN POLITICS 

REPUBLICAN. [Tangled.] Did I ?. . .so I did, so I did. [Nervous- 
\y.] Isn't it funny how a trifle like this can knock one completely off 
his feet. [Replaces bouquet and shamefacedly retires.] 

IND. DEMOCRAT. [Placing himself in attitude.] My three news- 
paper friends who have spoken are considered the most brilliant writers 
on the force [pause], but when it comes to extemporaneous public 
speaking, it's an entirely different matter. 

PROGRESSIVE. [To Independent Democrat.] True, but you 
are the exception which proves the rule. 

[To Portia.] He talks his very tallest !... Once get him talking 
and nothing on earth will ever upset this man. 

PORTIA. [Handing bouquet.] And so the victors laurels 
are indisputably yours. This may or may not be the opportunity 
of a life-time, but it is not the kind of chance a newspaper man gets 
every day. 

IND. DEMOCRAT. [Taking bouquet.] I admit it is mighty diffi- 
cult to say something new after all the extras which our papers printed 
this morning every minute, twice. Nothing can be said on this sub- 
ject which has not been said hundreds of times before [pause] but. . , 
[In a posing position, pointing with the bouquet.] Dear Colonel, you 
are a many sided statesman, full of surprising bigness and genius. 
Your words cut like swords through the passionate popular emotions, 
you have produced a revolution in American sentiment, manners and 
morals and broadened the social conscience of the American people. 
You are the whirlwind of America's social purification, you. . . [inter- 
rupted]. 

PORTIA. [Applauding.] This sounds good to me. It is clean, 
direct and sinewy, yet flurd and eloquent at the same time. 

IND. DEMOCRAT. You have cleaned many of our augean 
stables and seek to destroy nothing but evil. Through your effort the 
gulf stream between labor and capital has been reduced, and your 
reforms are practical, silent revolutions that cannot go backward. 

[Extending bouquet.] You have reached the crowning point of 
human ambition, passing swiftly from high to highest, your exceptional 
career justifying this exceptional recognition. 

MAURICE. [Encouragingly.] Dis is de real stuff. [To Portia.] 
I told you he's de boy to do it. 

IND. DEMOCRAT. [Resuming his speech.] Now and always you 
have carefully studied the greatest good to the greatest number with 
equal justice to all and rightly your greatest testimonials have come 
direct from the people. 

PORTIA. [Approvingly.] Well done!... 



ACT TWO 4^ 

IND. DEMOCRAT. [Losing his grip.] Possibly, possibly, but not 
at this late hour of the day, he will never have the time to listen to 

it all!... , ,^ , , 

[Thoughtfully.] My idea is that the Marchioness should speak tor 
us. You\now her style, boys, from the good old days A few words 
spontaneously spoken by her will, I am sure, prove to be more appro- 
priate than all our speeches. 

PROGRESSIVE. Right! 

REPUBLICAN. What our friend said, I most warmly reecho. 

It's the best idea which ever came to light from this mahogany 

topper of yours. 

[To Portia.] I don't see how the Marchioness could refuse our 

pressing invitation. •,, r • 

PORTIA. [All excitement.] If it is all up to me, we will elimmate 
the speech making. I will hand him the bouquet and promise to mail 
him the speech I would have made, if given the necessary time for 
preparation. [Pause.] The shortest and most successful speech I ever 
made was when as a perfect stranger, I called at the Editor's office m 
London. "Young, lady," he said, "I can't place you." "Well, Mr. Editor 
that's what I am here for," I replied. He looked at me again and I 
got my job. [The reporters applaud.] 

MAURICE. [To Portia.] You will have to hurry my dear, he may 
arrive at any moment. [To reporters.] If dere are to be no speeches 
it alters my plans for the reception. [Pointing to adjoining rooms.] 
Boys, make yourselves at home in dere for a little while. My wife 
and I will meet him alone. 

PORTIA. [Tidying herself before the mirror.] Curl up your 
moustach, Maurice, it makes you look so much more dignified and im- 
posing... 

MAURICE. [Curling mustach.] You dink so, darling? 

PORTIA. [Excitedly.] I hear footsteps, our guest is here, and I 
have not had a chance to do anything. 

[The reporters disperse to separate entrances and disappear, as the 

Colonel enters.] 

[The Colonel's face is brown, expressing cheerfulness and strength, 
in pink of condition. He is accompanied by his former Secretary, who 
looks more manly and prosperous.] 

THOMAS. [Announcing.] His Honor, the Colonel!. .. [Backs 

out as he exits.] 

COLONEL. [Greeting Portia and Maurice, who bow and courtesy 
in turn.] I feel a deep inward satisfaction at the quahty of my wel- 
come by the city and nation, but am equally pleased to have succeeded 
at last to hide where no one can find me. 

[The reporters heads are peeping out from all directions.] 



44 PORTIA IX POLITICS 

[Facing Maurice and Portia.] I am eager and anxious for all first 
hand information you can give me about my favorite child, the Repub- 
lic of Panama and the big jc^b. 

[Maurice nudging his wife to do the talking — bus.] 

PORTIA. [Courtesies.] The lock job is stupendous, and, as you 
undoubtedly know, it's nearing completion. In the three steps in the 
flight of locks, the upper one is completed. One has only to imagine 
it full of water to comprehend what it will look like from the rail of 
a passing steamer, 

COLONEL. [Placing his hand on Maurice's shoulder.] And the 
working force, are they contented? 

MAURICE. De provisions for entertainment, bowling alleys, pic- 
tures and concerts, as provided by de government 'have done a great 
(deal in dis direction. 

PORTIA. [Facing the Colonel.] The Panama Canal, your child, 
has grown so big that it is to compete with the wonders of creation 
with the secret relations of the great trinity of nature — sea, earth and 
mountain. It is the greatest engineering work ever performed by men 
— the biggest gift bestowed upon the world by any nation, and never 
again will an American battleship be forced to sail round South Am- 
erica in times of peace or war. Your Panama is changing the map of 
the world more thoroughly and permanently than it has ever been 
accomplished by any conqueror. 

But it is in constructive statesmanship that you have excelled most 
in the past and where you can serve the American people best in the 
future. 

This great and wonderful country of ours is to-day nothing more 
nor less than a country of the vested interests by the vested interests 
and for the vested interests and nothing but the leadership of a man 
who can kindle the people with the fire of their own burning souls will 
— can — save them. 

Our older men find business more and more difficult to renew and 
the doors of opportunity are practically closed to the young... the 
rank and file of our people finding life very difficult to sustain. 

You are the skillful helmsman to direct into the port of safety 
the spirit and purpose of the progresive movement; the leader best 
qualified to interpret their visions of inspired idealism into determined 
action; the one man around whom the progressive movement can best 
unite and organize. . .More than any other living man you are best 
qualified to protect the plain American people from the combined on- 
slaught of special privilege and political corruption from glorified 
piracy and legalized larceny, from the vampires who are crucifying the 
nation on their cross of gold ! . . . 



ACT Tiro 45 

[Handing him bouquet.] On behalf of this plain people I offer 
their united compliments and best of good wishes with the accom- 
panying bouquet, to you, the standard bearer of America's progres- 
sive moods and ambitions, — ^the greatest living American of our gen- 
eration — the man whose voice re-echoes around the world ! . , . 

[The Colonel takes the bouquet and looks his thanks to her, cor- 
dially presing her R. hand as he replaces bouquet to his left. 

[The reporters waving their hats in the air and saluting, Maurice 
ju'bilant at his wife's success and the former Secretary at his Chief's 
reception.] 

As the Curtain Falls. 



46 



•'PORTIA IN POLITICS'' 

Act Three. 

NewYork City, November 8th, 1910. A room in Portia's 
home, same as Act 2, only differently furnished and arranged. 

In the centre replacing table, there is a flat top desk with a 
telephone attachment at the side ; two chairs near C. & R. of C. 

On the desk three maps are displayed — one of New York 
City and its districts, another of all other states of the Union, and 
a third that of all New York Counties — A map with imposing 
headlines : ''New York State Vote for Governor" is in the centre. 

An attractive inkstand and writing materials complete the desk 
outfit. 

On the left upper entrance a stock ticker under a glass cover. 
A long, narrow waste paper basket containing tape near it. 

At the extreme R. a "Nezvs Ticker;" many printed pages hang- 
ing at the side of ticker. 

In the centre of the room up stage, a large blackboard with 
many diagrams upon it, viz: the names of all New York State 
Counties, New York City Districts, as well as of all States of the 
Union, They are in three separate columns, one next the other, 
and arranged in alphabetical order. [See Diagram.] 

Above the blackboard in the centre of the wall hangs the por- 
trait of H. L. Stimson, decorated with American flags at the sides 
and the inscription of "Our Next Governor" underneath. 

Electric lights above the black-board and in other parts of the 
room where practicable. Mats on the floor. 

The weather outside is very stormy, regular London weather 
for the time of the year, which is very irregular for New York. 

As the curtain rises, the Colonel is discovered sitting near desk 

C. ; A small American flag and a Stimson button pinned on his 

coat. He is engrossed in the maps and copy 'before him, watching 

the course of events with the greatest anxiety, shrugging his 

shoulders, evidently impatient and dissatisfied; peruses the tape 

and news sheets before him in turn, correcting maps as he goes 

along with the reading of the tape and news sheets. 

PORTIA. [Decorated elaborately with election flags, buttons, etc., 

is busily engaged on the blackboard, trying hard to keep pace in her 

corrections with the news ticker and the tape ; walking repeatedly too 

and from the above and the blackboard, brush and chalk in hand. 

Through the partly opened window the noise and horns of celebrat- 
ing election crowds make themselves heard. 

Closes the window and the noise subsides. She then takes several 



ACT THREE ^^ 

sheets from the news ticker, walks up to the stock ticker cutting up 
another piece of tape, placing them both before the Colonel. She be- 
trays the fever of unrest that comes to the young warrior on the 
night of a battle. 

Colonel. [As he surveys the new copy placed before him.] Thank 
you, my dear... It was good and considerate of you turning your 
house into a temporary political headquarters for me. At my own 
office, I could never have succeeded in getting a moment to myself. 
My picture has been taken several thousand times during the day, 
and I haven't even changed my hat. 

PORTIA. [Cordially.] The privilege is all mine, Colonel, all mine 
[pause] . . .My only regret is the bad weather. Rain, rain, rain every- 
where ! . . . Rain and tempest ! . . . 

COLONEL. [Examining critically and quickly the new copy.] 
Yes, the country districts are unmanageable. . .Where it does not ram, 
there is snow and gale! [Making several new corrections on the 
maps before him.] 

PORTIA. [The telephone bell rings— takes up receiver.] Hello, 
yes, yes ! [Getting more and more interested, then repeating message] : 
Westchester is safe in the Republican column— good— I am glad to 
hear it!. . .Wait!. . .What is our plurality ?... [Pause] .. .Four thou- 
sand three hundred [discouraged], well this is not so good. It was 
nearly eight thousand last election!. . .What?. . .It rains, rains hard- 
Well this is too bad!... Hold the wire just a moment the Colonel 
-wants to speak to you. [Turning over receiver to the Colonel.] 

COLONEL. [Taking receiver.] Tell the boys to get busy; a lot 
can be done yet to get the vote out !... [Hangs up receiver. Pacing 
about the room.] Westchester's plurality 3,500 short !.. .Where will 
I make up for it? [Pause] . . .Not in the Tammany districts. 

PORTIA. [Comes up to him.] When I think of the nine meet- 
ings a day in the city, the country and state, the thousands upon 
thousands who were so anxious to see you— to hear you speak [look- 
ing lovingly into his eyes], I feel, I know, that in your vocabulary 
there is no such word as fail. 

COLONEL. A good many Americans in this election use an en- 
tirely diflFerent dictionary. 

PORTIA. [Despondently.] True, people do not always vote as 
they cheer. [Walking about.] A city crowd easily loses its good 

sense. 

If only, if only it did not rain! [Entering on black-board a Demo- 
cratic victory of 1778 in Chemung.] 

Scientists know how to bring dbout artificial rain, but no one is 
powerful enough to prevent it . . . This tempest is worse than the most 
damaging explosive. It is annihilating your stronghold — the rural dis- 



48 PORTIA IN POLITICS 

tricts. [The telephone bell rings again.] Hello, [listening]. Yes, yes 
[brightening up]. Good for you, Monroe, this is bully! I can hear 
your heart beat through the telephone!. . .5,300 Republican plurality, 
you said — Well, this is at any rate twice as good as in 1906 [pause] . . . 
Considering the rain, it is rather good. . .Keep your nerve! [Hangs up 
receiver.] 

COLONEL. [Consulting the New. York County Map on table.] 
Another 2,000 shortage on the last election results. 

[Waving his hand.] I have had enough of those reports!. . . 

PORTIA. [Sympathetically.] What is to be done?. . .The country 
roads are almost impassible keeping thousands of Republican voters 
away from the polls. 

[Pacing about the room and glancing through the window.] An 
unequaled, unparallelled national reputation of over thirty years may 
be wiped out in one half day of rain, like a child's snowball and the 
Russian navy. Mother Nature can be very hard sometimes and this 
secret chills I. . . 

[Enter Maurice, laboring under a serious nervous strain.] 

MAURICE. [Noticing that the Colonel is absorbed in his. work.] 
Why Iboder about dese details, Colonel? For many years de world 
has learned to regard your name and victory as one and inseparable! 
Aldough de results are not yet generally known, your victory is a 
foregone conclusion. 

COLONEL. [Encouraged.] You think so? 

PORTIA. [Examining the figures on board.] See for yourself — 
out of sixty counties, many are already in the Republican column with 
a majority of thousands in your favor. [Counting the counties sep- 
arately] : Saratoga, 1,400; Westchester, 4,300; Washington, 1,900; and 
even 1,200 majority in Little Broome [pause] .. .Ah, you will sweep 
the country like a broom, that's my prophesy ! 

COLONEL .[Absorbed in thought — ^then examining the maps be- 
fore him.] Yes, our country majorities are great, but they used 
to be greater [Pause] and we need more. This rain has upset every- 
thing. Our last plurality in Orange was more than five times the 
present 500 mark. 

PORTIA. [Examining the black-board.] Green is Democratic 
[pause], that's because it is green. . .[gXancmg again at the black- 
board] . . .sorry that Orange makes such a poor showing this season. 

COLONEL. [Correcting the position of his eye-glasses.] Yes, and 
Ulster is as bad — 375 Democratic majority — nearly; both Demo- 
cratic — Ulster and Duchess. 

MAURICE. [Quickly.] Duchess, but not de Marchioness,... 
she swears by you as de champion of all Americans. 



ACT THREE 49' 

PORTIA. [Admiringly.] You are the giant of action who knows 
all the roads to victory, always pointing to them with a sovereign 
finger. 

MAURICE. True, de weader isn't as good as it might have been, 
but [waving his hand], to you a few drops of rain more or less could 
hardly matter. 

COLONEL. [Extending the second finger of his right hand as 
he pauses in his walk.] Ah, my boy, it does matter! It matters a 
great deal, 

PORTIA. [Placing hand on Maurice's shoulder.] You are a French- 
man, Maurice, and should know that if it had not rained on the night 
between the 17th and 18th of June, 1815, the future of Europe would 
have been changed. It was just a little rain, a cloud crossing the 
sky at a season when rain was not expected which has overthrown 
Napoleon's Empire and made him oscillate. 

MAURICE. Why de rain?. . . 

PORTIA. [Pointedly.] Napoleon had two hundred and forty 
guns against Wellington's One hundred and fifty-nine, but the ground 
was moist and it was absolutely necessary for it to become firmer be- 
fore Napoleon's artillery could maneuver. 

COLONEL. [Walking up to stock-ticker, examining the figures, 
then changing them on the maps before him.] 

MAURICE. [Excitedly.] La, la, la la la ! Now I understand why 
de battle of Waterloo was delayed until eleven thirty. 

PORTIA. It was this, this alone, that gave Blucher time to come 
up, this alone has won the day for the allies. 

COLONEL. On account of the deluge we may fail to get out our 
country votes which this time we need badly. 

MAURICE [Puzzled.] It rains for Democrats and Republicans 
alike, why worry more dan your opponent? 

COLONEL [Walking up towards news ticker, then changing some 
figures on his map]. In this election it is the farmer's vote upon 
which my success largely depends. It is our only hope, in fact. 

PORTIA. [Her arm on Maurices shoulder.] You see, my dear, 
the parts of our State least contaminated by the machine politicians 
are the country districts, and it is both machines that the colonel is 
fighting in this election. Great congested centres are always the 
stronghold of machine control through the corrupt combination of big 
business with the municipal graft. 

[Correcting the (blackboard.] In the country there are no powerful 
corporations with extensive interests depending on the administration ; 
there material plunder is trivial, and the machine necessarily frugal. 

MAURICE [Surprised]. Now, I understand. 



50 



PORTIA IN POLITICS 



PORTIA. We are ashamed to admit it, but our government has 
gradually changed from a representative democracy into a political 
oligarchy, dominated by finance and wealth, powers that look only to 
the enrichment of the few at the expense of the many. 

MAURICE. [Sympathetically.] I am sure you have done what you 
could to arouse de American manhood of its citizens. 

COLONEL. [Clinching his fist.] This rain is worse than fire— 
the hail up state worse than bullets. I have faced both fire and bullets 
and conquered, but against the forces of nature, I am powerless... 

[Exits.] 

MAURICE [To Portia]. Dis is more serious dan I dought. La, la, 

la, la, la. 

PORTIA [Watching the departing figure of the Colonel, then agam 
examines the stock and news tickers in turn ; changes several figures 
on the blackboard, showing an overwhelming Democratic majority in 

the city. 

MAURICE. [Examining tape in hands, pausing near the black- 
board]. I see which way the pendulum is striking. .. [Throws the 
tape on the floor, and placing his arm on her waist, walking towards 
exit.] Come, my dear, forget it for awhile, forget it!... We may 
have better luck when we return. [Both exit.] 

[The room remains empty, and for a minute the ticking of the stock 
and news tickers is all that is heard, but this sound is quickly deadened 
by the noise and racket of election crowds in the street below.] 

[Then the door is partly opened by Thomas, who admits reporters. 
All the reporters are in their overcoats.] 

THOMAS. [As he opens the door.] The Colonel was here, he may 
or may not return, you can wait, if you like. 

DEMOCRATIC REPORTER. [Taking in with a glance the ar- 
rangement of the room.] Well, boys, we found the new headquarters, 
but we missed our man. 

PROGRESSIVE REPUBLICAN. [Hopefully.] He may yet re- 
turn. .. [pause] .. .Let us take charge of this magnificent outfit and 
bring it up to date. 

Help, everybody ! Boys, if you please, if we can get this black-board 
up to date, we practically have all the information we want right 
here ! . . . Now ! 

[All the reporters accept his view, relieving themselves of their 
overcoats as they go to work on the black-board, etc.] 

[Their overcoats are baptizes in confetti, flour, etc., and as they re- 
move the coats some of the reporters give them a good beating, ap- 
parently forgetful of their surroundings. In the street below there is 
one great, big, laughing, shouting, singing, merry-go-round crowd of 
humanity. Horns, bells, rattles and all other kinds of noise-making 



ACT THREE 51 

devices intermingled. Some of the reporters present use ticklers, con- 
fetti and flour in play upon their more serious companions. 

[Picture.] 

[From the opposite side of the room, the reporters are shouting 
the news each in turn as he gets it over the wire, while others brush 
and chalk in hand make corrections and new entries.] 

PROGRESSIVE REPUBLICAN. [Jubiliant.] Ra! Ra! Ra! 
Chenango — 718 for Stimson ! [He is applauded by companion.] 

DEMOCRATIC. [Triumphant.] Erie 3121 for Dix. Hip, hip 
hurrah! [Is joined by Republican and other Democratis reporters.] 

PROGRESSIVE. [Pleased.] Jefferson, 1750 for Stimson, for 
Stimson and Victory ! 

DEMOCRATIC. [Delighted.] Richmond, 2978 for Dix. Hip, hip! 
[Joined by other reporters as above.] 

PROGRESSIVE. [Placing himself in attitude.] Cortland, 1106 
for Stimson—Fine ! Splendid! I say, boys, we are getting on. [Sup- 
ported by nods of approval from companion.] 

DEMOCRATIC. Oneida 1180 for Dix. Hip! hip! [Supported 

as above.] 

PROGRESSIVE. [Waving his hat in the air.] Chatauqua, 5172 
for Stimson! Pretty good, my friends, pretty good! 

DEMOCRATIC. Queens, 8342 for Dix. Hip ! hip ! Well, well ! [Em- 
bracing companion.] 

REPUBLICAN. [Rushes to Independent.] This is getting too 
much for one man ; come, friend, and give me a helping hand. 

INDEPENDENT. [Joining him, taking up chalk and brush.] 

PROGRESSIVE. [Jubilant— spinning around the chair near him.] 
Sixth Assembly District New York, 2234, for Dix ; 2472 for Stimson. 
Ra, Ra, Ra; [Makes the entry and delighted with the news shakes 
hands with companion.] 

DEMOCRATIC. [Getting up and standing on his chair; jubilant.] 
Borough of Richmond, Stimson, 5032; Dix, 8031 [humming] "For 
he is a jolly good fellow, for he is a jolly good fellow," etc. 

PROGRESSIVE. [Mounting chair at opposite end, gesticulating.] 
Listen to this, boys, hsten to this ... Washington, 1973 for Stimson. 
I know one man who if he were here, he would clap his hands and 

say : "It is bully !" 

DEMOCRATIC. [On his chair.] Kings, Dix plurality 25,372. 
[Makes the entry, then embraced by companions, they all display a 
great deal of emotion, singing:] 

And this is what he said . . . 

And this is what he said. . . 

I can't get to Brooklyn to-night. . . 

The Democrats would not let me . . . 



5:e PORTIA IN POLITICS 

Get to Brooklyn! j Ironically] Why, listen to this, boys: Queens 
Democratic by eight thousand! Ta, ra, rum, turn, turn, etc. 

PROGRESSIVE. [With a shade less confidence.] Fifth Assembly 
District of Brooklyn— Dix 4409 ; Stimpson 4799 ! Delighted !. . . 

Clinton, Columbia and Cortland, Franklin, Fulton and Hamilton, all 
Republican. 

[Using a tickler.] We beat you Democrats two to one up State — 
two to one, and don't you forget it, my friend, don't you forget it. 

DEMOCRATIC. [Watching the news ticker.] And Albany— Al- 
bany, Democratic too, upon my word! Well I declare! 

PROGRESSIVE. [Getting the figures together.] Stimson's plur- 
ality up State over 42,000 ! Not bad in such miserable weather — not 
at all bad; Three cheers for Stimson! Hip, hip, hurrah! 

[Doing some figuring of his own.] Dix — New York City plurality 
over sixty thousand! Strike up, boys, strike up!. . . 

[At this the reporters of the Democratic newspapers display their 
enthusiasm to the point of madness. From' respectable officers in 
the Metropolitan newspaper army of good columns and excellent lead- 
ers, they quickly turn into cowboys of the wildest wild west kind; 
hats are thrown in the air, and forgetful of their surroundings, they 
yell, stamp their feet and clap their hands. 

REPORTERS, Together. Ra, ra, ra ! Hip, hip, hurrah ! Three cheers 
for the conquering hero ! 

DEMOCRATIC. [Displaying a red, white and blue pencil, to 
A'hich he ties his handkerchief, the resourceful democratic reporter 
mounts the flat top desk, holding this symbol of victory high up in his 
right hand. His left foot touches the extreme left of the desk, his 
right slightly bent touches the extreme right, while the arm holding 
the flag is extended to its limits.] 

The victory is ours ! Ours is the victory ! Strike up, boys, strike 
up!. . . [Joined by the orchestra.] 

IND. DEMOCRAT. [Inspired by the leadership of his companion, 
the Independent instantly cuts up a large piece of the news ticker, the 
size of a large white ribbon, and mounting his chair [R] places it 
gallantly on Democrat's breast.] 

To a worthy member of the brotherhood who did so much and so 
well to capture the stronghold of the enemy — as a token of esteem and 
worth!. . . [Joined by the orchestra playing The Conquering Hero.] 

REPUBLICAN. [Also equal to the occasion, cutting up a narrow 
piece of tape of equal size from news ticker, he mounts the chair op- 
posite, repeating the inauguration with even greater ceremony.] Wear 
it with honor, worthy comrade, wear it with .honor ! You are the only 
person honored with such a decoration ! 

[Enter Portia.] 



ACT THREE 53 

[The merrymaking stops abruptly, the reporters promptly dismount 
and the flag of victory is unhauled, dismembered and replaced to vari- 
ous pockets. The attitude of all but the Progressive reporter is that 
of school boys caught in the act of mischief making by their elders.] 

[The Democratic reporter ill at ease relieves himself of his decora- 
tions during the following scene, trying to hide them in his pockets, 
etc. — Bus.] 

PROGRESSIVE. [Pointing regretfully to his companions.] For- 
give them, Marchioness, for their rudeness and forgetfulness of sur- 
roundings, the victory was so unexpected that they have lost their 
heads completely. 

PORTIA. [Waving her hand. ] Let them celebrate. . .It matters 
little now when it is all over. The entire country, Democratic. [Dis- 
couraged.] There were as many brands of weather to-day as there 
were candidates; snow, rain, sleet and wind; anything but sunshine, 
and it costs us Republicans a great many votes in our strongholds, the 
rural districts. 

The impassable roads prevented many from exercising their lead 
pencils, 

[Horn tooting and merry making in the street below repeated.] 
[Rolling up into a ball one of Democrat's ribbons of honor and 
throwing it into the waste paper basket.] 

There is no denying the rain and snow of to-day have worked hand 
in hand with the Democratic party. 

[Picking up the second paper ribbon with which the Democratic 
reporter was decorated and tearing it into little bits as she talks.] 

The abstention of Republican voters in the country districts is the 
real cause of our defeat and not you [sneeringly] Democrats... 
[throwing the torn pieces into the waste paper backet.] 

[Disheartened.] The loss of New York is a decided blow. ..to re- 
form, I am truly sorry. 

DEMOCRATIC. [Jubiliant.] [Eyeing the black-board.] The 
Colonel announced that he would fight to the last [pause], well boys, 
this is the last ! . . . 

PORTIA. [Doing some quick figuring, and pointing to her slate.] 
Nonsense, a change of about 2 per cent, in the total vote would have 
elected Stimson. 

[Glad to see them sobered down.] The careers of Moses, Napoleon 
and the Colonel upon the world stage are widely differentiated, and 
their relative activities in the great drama of nations are widely apart 
yet it is interesting to note that in upholding the hands of the former, 
and checking the activities of the latter, providence has used the same 
means, viz: just a little water!. .. 



54 PORTIA IN POLITICS 

PROGRESSIVE. Quite true, Moses might have shared the fate of 
Napoleon at Waterloo and the Colonel at the present election, if his 
calculation as to the high and low tide of the waters had by chance 
miscarried... And what's more, the Jews would probably award their 
discarded leader a less promising place than St. Helena. 

PORTIA. The Colonel beaten and aroused will do more for his 
people than the Colonel at the height of his glory. The rain is a de- 
feat which will spur him on to other victories, victories of the worth 
while kind. . . 

[Playfully.] And take it from me, boys you may depend upon it, 
he will not copy Moses in keeping his people in the wilderness for 
forty years waiting. 

DEMOCRATIC. [Consulting his watch. This promises to be a 
long wait, and my Editor is impatient. 

REPUBLICAN. [Meaningly.] No canned interviews nor advance 
copy this time [emphatically] every word has to be written between 
now and midnight. 

PORTIA. [Resting her eyes on the Democratic reporter.] If you 
promise to behave yourselves, you may stay and prepare your copy 
here. I am an old member of the fraternity, and my sympathies are 
yours, make yourselves at home. 

REPORTERS [Together.] A thousand thanks f 

You are very kind ! 

It's awfully good of you ! 

[Portia doing her own figuring and writing.] 

DEMOCRATIC. [Taking out notebook, writing and reading aloud 
— with sprightliness] : "The Colonel's candidate "Beaten to a Frazzle" 
— joined with aproving glances by the other friendly reporters] "From 
all over the land comes an emphatic denunciation, with the Empire 
State's voice the loudest of all." [Noises in the street repeated.] 

REPUBLICAN. [Reading aloud.] "Democrats make a clean sweep 
of the nation." 

"Congress Democratic too." 

"Democrats control the next house." 

"Not a crumb of comfort anywhere for the beaten Republicans." 

[Singing in the street below.] * 

IND. DEMOCRAT. [With liveliness.] The Republican party has 
gone to pieces and suffered a frightful defeat all along the line — 
Democrats sweep country; win Congress, many states; New York, 
New Jersey, Ohio, Massachusetts, Indiana and Connecticut carried. 
Not a Republican Congressman saved in New York County." 

[Horn blowing, etc., in the street.] 



ACT THREE ^^ 

PROGRESSIVE. [Heart broken but truthful to the last.] "Dix 
carries State; plurality 65,935. Remainder of Democratic ticket also 

elected." 

[Blowing his nose to suppress emotion.] 

"Republicans lose Legislature." It never occurred to me earlier m 
the evening that I will have to write all this. 

DEMOCRATIC. [Reading as he writes.] ''The Colonel's Congress- 
man among the missing. [Gaily] "Democrats will be in control of 
new Congress." "Democratic Governors elected everywhere. ' Latest 
returns of the Democratic success." 

[Noise in street as above.] 

IND. DEMOCRAT. [Placing himself in attitude.] I always thought 
there was some thing in mental suggestion, now I am sure of it. [Get- 
ting the boys around him.] You see throughout the States the Colonel 
told all the voters that he has no power but what they chose to give 
him of their own free will, and [boastfully] Pla, ha, ha... With our 
American craze for excitement and change [digging Democrat in the 
ribs] the people thought they will experiment and see. 

PORTIA. [Indignantly.] When the attention of Maximillien M. I. 
de Robespierre, conspicuous as the first man of France at that time, 
was called to the escort of the National Guards, and the thousands 
upon thousands of citizens who have turned out in his honor, anxious 
to hear his voice, or merely to look at him, he replied, "There will 
be as many again to see me hanged." But after 30 years of faithful 
public service, the Colonel had the right to regard the demonstration 
in his honor more seriously. 

[Reflectively.] Do you remember how you have pestered his life 
for "News" throughout Europe and upon his return home? He 
should have told you that big daily headlines about him when there was 
nothing to write about, would soon make it difficult for you to serve 
him when your service would really mean something to him and his 

cause. . , ixr 1 

PROGRESSIVE. [Pointedly.] Ah, but it was tempting! We only 

had to print his name in the headlines and all the world was agape. 

PORTIA. [Disheartened.] It is the usual thing with our American 
enthusiasm. Like the burning straw on thick ice, it is very beautiful 
while it lasts, but it does not last long. 

[Noise in the street repeated.] 

In the calendar of time called the history of nations, it was but a 
moment ago, when at your own initiative, annihilating time and space 
and regardless of expense, you have all raecd to the other end of the 
world eager and anxious for every word of good tidings you coivld 
cable home to our American people of our greatest living hero. 

PROGRESSIVE. Here, here! 



56 PORTIA IN POLITICS 

PORTIA. It was less than a moment ago in the calendar of time, 
when at breakneck speed, our ships raced to the extreme end of our 
harbor, displaying their flags of "Welcome Home" and "Delighted" 
to the, greatest living American. The Rough Riders and the rough 
writers were all in line and at hand, cheering, rejoicing and celebrating, 
the people lining the streets, thron§;ing the sidewalks, windows and 
roofs. 

[Coming up close to the reporters.] The Press [pointing] you, you, 
and you, all of you have written and printed new extras, every minute, 
twice! 

[Waving her hand.] There were no headlines large enough, nor 
columns long enough to express your high regard, and together with 
the twenty-one guns, you have fired a salute which has instantly re- 
echoed around the world. 

PROGRESSIVE. | Reflectively.] It was the greatest enthusiasm 
of the greatest nation, which it has ever been my good fortune to wit- 
ness. He was standing then before the whole world with the doors 
into the Hall of Fame wide open. 

PORTIA. [Pointedly.] He has taken the demonstrations in his be- 
half and his pledges to the American people seriously. He has thrown 
himself heart and soul, into the burning issues of the day, and this, this 
alone is the error which our combined financial and political interests 
could neither overlook nor pardon. 
PROGRESSIVE. Right, unvarnished, (but true ! 
PORTIA. I dont blame you 'for the headlines which you have 
just written, I know but too well that it is your jobs or the headlines. 
But don't be carried away to the extent of actually believing in them 
yourselves when you see them in print. [Embittered.] 

Emerson says; "Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the 
manhood of everyone of its members. For non-conformity the world 
whips you with its displeasure." And none are evidently excepted. 
"The sour faces of the multitude, like their sweet faces have no deep 
cause, disguise no god, but are put on and oflf as the wind blows, and 
our newspapers direct." 

DEMOCRATIC. [Jubiliant.] Don't excite yourself, Marchioness, 
the victory is unquestionably ours. 

PORTIA. Tell me, boys, how could you and your editors har- 
monize the present attitude with that of but a few months ago? 
^^ REPUBLICAN. [Waving his hand.] It harmonizes perfectly, 
"with consistency a great man or a great newspaper have absolutely 
nothmg to do. One may as well concern himself with his shadow on 
the wall. We speak what we think to-day in words as hard as cannon 
balls, and to-morrow we speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words 
agam, although it may contradict everything we said to-day. 



ACT THREE • 57 

PORTIA. [Knowingly.] At any rate the contradicting part of the 
argument is not disputed. . .The modern American newspaper is a dark 
lantern, throwing light in front and concealing the man who holds it. 
There is much truth and sound reasoning in your statement, but it 
would be more convincing if the people at large knew the names of 
all the stockholders, the predatory interests who own newspapers, the 
men who employ brilliant editors to assassinate the character of men 
who try to serve the public ; protecting their betrayers, shielding them- 
selves all the time behind a cloak of impenetrable darkness!. . . 

PROGRESSIVE. [Earnestly.] This is what I call hitting the nail 
on the head ! . . . Here in New York the press interests are concentrated 
and consolidated. They live on publicity. No individual has a home 
too sacred for the newspapers to investigate. No life can escape their 
scanning. Why not let the people know who owns them?. , . 

REPUBLICAN. This reform would probably have been introduced 
long ago were it not for the dummy directors of our corporations, 
behind whom the Law cannot penetrate and before whom the Investi- 
gating Committees are generally helpless. 

DEMOCRATIC [Cunningly.] The discovery that there is such a 
thing as a money power in America is not yours, nor the Colonel's. 
Every victory he has won in the past has been won with the assistance 
of that power. If ever he comes to the front again, it will be in co- 
operation with and not in opposition to the great money power and 
nearly all his former heads of departments are the faithful servants of 
that power. 

PORTIA. [Defiantly.] I disagree with you absolutely! But, by all 
means, print your headlines ! In the long run it is bound to do our 
cause nothing but good. You will never shake the confidence of his 
admirers, and the more his opponents will think that he is a man easy 
to beat, the less they will oppose us at a renomination. 

REPUBLICAN. In this country, power always did and always will 
pass from man to man ; here nothing is permanent but change. 

PORTIA. Here as everywhere else in nature and history, the law 
of the survival of the fittest is supreme! [Getting agitated.] Have 
we produced a greater living statesman? Emphatically.] No! Have 
we another living man who is as known the world over? Again the 
reply is, and must be — No! Well, then, the inevitable conclusion is 
that soon, very soon, you will find him as ever before, nay, more 
than ever before the centre figure; as ever before, We will be eagerly 
watching and waiting for his opinion. This one man is of more ac- 
count than all the politicians of the day. 

DEMOCRAT. [Protestingly.] Oh, no, we have completely an- 
nihilated this erratic and irresponsible force ! 
" [Noise in the street repeated.] 



58 PORTIA IN POLITICS 

PORTIA. [Smiling broadly.] Completely annihilated?. . .Have the 
rain and tempest ever affected permanently the wing of the eagle? 
[Sternly.] Can the passing cloud affect seriously the shining of the 
sun? [Pause.] Well, then expect nothing more from your to-morrow's 
headlines. . .His international glory will not be dimmed by the present 
defeat. I have studied the political situation of the country, and 
have watched the political activities of this masterful man. It is not 
the first time that he has been the cause of his complete undoing. 
[Laughing.] It happened to him regularly; at least once a season dur- 
ing the past thirty years. . .but he always falls on his heels; just as a 
rubber ball, the harder it is hit, the higher it rebounds. The Colonel 
has always succeeded to mount a step higher on the ladder of activity 
and usefulness. He is a man of abundant vitality and unflinching 
courage. His personality is the one pivot around which American 
politics evolves. 

DEMOCRATIC. [Protestingly.] These are your opinions, not 
mine, the crowd outside is getting impatient for the glorious news. 
The Colonel's defeat gladdens the heart and is cause for general re- 
joicing. Sensation, sensation sensation — that's what we live on. 

REPUBLICAN. [Jubiliant.] Well, boys, I am off! He is not 
likely to return to-night; he has lapsed into a strenuous silence. Con- 
sider him gone. 

PORTIA. While the American nation lasts, the Colonel can never 

IND. DEMOCRAT. [Sarcastically.] The man whom the people 
would most gladly hear, to-day has lost his power of speech. 

PORTIA. [Reflectively.] His power of speech has not diminished, 
although I am afraid he may keep you cooling your heels for some- 
time before giving you new copy. 

[The reporters without further comment, advancing towards the 
door — assisting each other in putting on their overcoats, hats, etc.] 

DEMOCRATIC. [His arm on the Ind. Democratic reporter.] This 
is no time for the lamp of reason, but for the torchlight of unthinking 
enthusiasm, politics replacing manhood, muckraking the only brother- 
hood. [Enter Colonel.] 



[Hats are instantly removed — all resuming a respectful attitude, 
grouping around him. The Colonel, facing them, playing in turn 
with the right and* left sides of his watch chain.] 

PORTIA. [Encouragingly. Tennessee went Republican, Colonel, 
also Minnesota and New Hampshire, and we have an up-state plurality 
in New York of over forty-two thousand. 

COLONEL. [Displaying his teeth and retaining his composure.] 
It's of little consequence when my opponent gets a plurality of 100,- 



ACT THREE : ^^ 

000 in the city. [To the others.] Pardon me, boys, for keeping you 
waiting, but at a time like the present, it is wiser to think twice before 
speaking. [Pause.] A chain of unforseen accidents governed this 
campaign, and we have lost. Naturally it spurns me on to greater and 
harder work for the future. 

PORTIA. [Her hand grasping that of the Colonel, in reverence 
and sympathy.] During the last fifty years, Americans concerned 
themselves with the accumulation of wealth, now we realize that the 
equitable distribution of wealth is the main thing needful. [Gesticulat- 
ing.] The civic conscience has been aroused, and it will condemn dis- 
honesty in every form and in every man high or low. The forces 
striving for social and economic betterment are certain to find an out- 
let. 

COLONEL. [Lifting both hands as an expression of extreme ex- 
citement.] The fight for progressive popular government has merely 
begun, and will certainly go on to a triumphant issue in spite of initial 
checks and irrespective of the personal success or failure of individuals. 

[Portia an,d Progressive applaud vigorously.] 

[Tapping his R knee with R hand ; an unmistakable atmosphere of 
intellect and worth about him.] I value this battle lost in the interest 
of progress, more than my previous public triumphs ! 

COLONEL [Bows, and moves towards door.] 

[Pausing in his walk, then turning around, facing the reporters.] 
An election has been lost, but I have had a good tifne anyway!... 
[Pause] From now on my hat is in the ring, and I am in the fight to 
stay. [He is applauded as he exits.] 

PROGRESSIVE. [Hopefully, admiring the departing figure of 
Colonel.] His bonnet is in the circle, that means that soon, very soon, 
there will be something doing, 

PORTIA. [Admiringly.] This man who is called hasty and unsafe 
has done more for the permanent peace of the world than all the 
diplomats of the day. He is the first American President who suc- 
ceeded in turning the operations of the national government from a 
dark professional secret to a matter of full-throated publicity and ruled 
your very newspapers from their front pages. Having almost albsolute 
power he has never abused it except on the side of righteousness. 
Like Lincoln he possesses incomparable moral courage and impeachable 
integrity [placing her self in attitude]. When the political dust of 
this overheated campaign settles, and the people are sobered down, 
you will see that he has lost nothing by speakirig out. 

"There is too much waste and too little efficiency in our national 
life. The waste in politics is worse than all, for it perpetuates all 
other wastes by blocking the road to better things." 



t)U PORTIA IN POLITICS 

This defeat will not drive him back, but on and on with higher re- 
solve and the democracy of the printing press will not go back upon 
its founder. 

Out of office the Colonel will prove himself to be even a greater 
public servant than in office. The first thing he will do will be to help 
tear down all the machinery which the politicians have built up be- 
ttveen the machines and the voters and bring the citizens and officials 
face to face. 

He will get the government as close to the people as possible, do 
away with conventions which are operated by the few and for the 
few, organized wealth buying political independence. 

REPUBLICAN. [Playfully.] You mean, he will try!... At no 
time in our history has the power of bosses been so strong, nor the 
baneful influence of amassed wealth so great, their bribes are large 
enough to make virtue pale. 

PORTIA. This is a radical age and at no time in recent history 
has the progressive movement secured the great influence of so strong 
a champion. He knows that in an aggressive movement, as in a revo- 
lution, those who go farthest are apt to fare best and he will not be 
afraid to speak out. 

When the underwriting syndicates for the next presidential candi- 
dates start their underwriting, before their candidates are offered to 
the general public he will surely be discounted as the nation's best 
asset. 

[Placing herself in attitude.] Mark my words, it's better, far bet- 
ter for the progressive movement to have lost the first battle and 
secured the leadership of this masterful man than to win the first 
battle under inadequate leadership and lose it afterwards for good 
and all. In all recent revolutions, the prospects were great, but the 
final results mighty small. 

[Noticing that the reporters expect her to be more explicit.] Take 
for example the recent Russian revolution, where blood like water 
flooded the streets of the capitals under inadequate leadership. [Wav- 
ing her hands.] What are the net results to the masses of the nation 
to-day? Nothing, worse than nothing in many respects. I tell you, 
my friends ,that such a leader as we have now secured for our forces 
is of more value to our cause than a victory. [Pointing with second 
finger.] Let this be entered by the future historian as the first real 
victory of the progressive movement in recent years. Give the Colonel 
time to pause. He will strike the bell with all his might and you will 
hear the metal ringing before the next National Convention comes 
around. 

[Placing herself in attitude.] Here and everywhere systematized 
privilege is at war with Democracy, and nothing but the highest kind of 



ACT THREE 61 

systematized leadership will ever accomplish anything for the struggl- 
ing classes. 

REPUBLICAN. [Reflectively.] When the next convention comes, 
our reactionary and financial interests will fight you hard and high 
and will beat you. If you lose, and they will see to it that you do lose, 
well, they will have accomplished their purpose ! . . . 

PORTIA. Not so fast, my friend. ..under adequate leadership, if 
we fail at the Convention, we will refuse to be bound any longer 
by the shackles of the past, and will refuse to obey the party lash! 

We will appeal to all radical elements of all parties to unite, to do 
away forever with 'Sectionalism — making a square break with both 
reactionary machines. 

The country is bowed down by the shame and misdeeds of those 
in powder in both parties, men who should be its pride, the crooks of 
destiny who have thrown the crown of American manhood into the 
mire of monopolistic debauchery. It is this corrupt billions piled 
up like mountains that are matched igainst the lives of the people, 
man, women and children. Party loyUty is being used by a coterie of 
bosses to serve corrupt ends, and government by the few has become in 
fact government by the sordid interests that control the few. In their 
base hands, even the Constitution of the United States, instead of re- 
maining an instrument of Justice, is being ingeniously devised, ab- 
solutely to prevent justice and the square deal. 

"Through repeated betrayals, the power of the crooked political 
"bosses and of the privileged classes behind them is so strong in the 
"two old party organizations that no helpful movement in the real 
"interests of our country can come out of either." 

The time is ripe for concentrated united action to "strike in efficient 
fashion, not "merely pretend to strike — at the roots of privilege in the 
"world of industry no less than in the world of politics." — to repudiate 
the old leaders and change the old order for a new dispensation. 

"The time has come for a national progressive movement — a nation 
"wide movement — on non-sectional lines, so that the people may be 
served in sincerity and truth by an organization unfettered by obliga- 
"tion to conflicting interests." A party of to-day and the future, not 
a party that lives on traditions of the past. 

PROGRESSIVE. [Dreamily.] We will start with a clean slate... 
What a sweeping victory it will be if we win the Independent Demo- 
crats over! 

DEMOCRATIC [Harshly]. But you wouldn't. We are going to 
give you some fight and split the royalties on the fight films!. . . 

It is a long time since, as a party, we had a taste of the Presidency. 

INDEPENDENT DEMOCRAT. We will adopt the most progres- 
sive platform ever presented to the country ; speaking out plainly and 



63 PORTIA IN POLITICS 

strongly on every, important question. Our presidential candidate will 
be a man who will inspire confidence among the men of all parties and 
whose fighting qualities have been tested. We will oppose the princi- 
pal of private monopoly in no uncertain words and make a record 
for progressiveness. [Smiling broadly.] As to purging political par- 
ties of the corrupt elements., it will probably be reached in God's own 
time, but during our lifetime self-interest will always predominate. 

REPUBLICAN. Have you ever seen a new house which was en- 
tirely free from insects?. . . 

DEMOCRATIC. Have you ever read a political party platform 
when you did not feel that the fog horns should b^ blowing? You are 
an Idealist, my friend, while we are practical players at the game, 
we will stop at nothing to bur>' grievances and present a united party. 
Again, your hero will find it extremely difficult to reconcile his trust 
backing, and enormous campaign expenditures with his pious preten- 
tions. 

PORTIA. [Playfully.] All the same, I hope to see you defeated 
at the polls in November of* 1912. The Progressive movement con- 
sists of millions of thoughtful citizens, drawn together by common 
principles, which will permit of no compromise with special interests. 
It has a great force behind it, and a great fighting man to lead it. Ours 
will be a party of the present and future, not of the past — ^the young 
heart of 'humanity beating through the ages. We will redeem demo- 
cracy, and restore the government to the people [nudging him]. It 
will not be our fault if. by that time, you are not in the small potato 
class. 

INDEPENDENT DEMOCRAT. It is not the custom of Ameri- 
cans to entrust the government of the country to a new party on its 
first appearance. As to your leader, it is an open secret that some of 
the greatest protectors of crooked business and crooked politics in the 
history of this country have graduated direct from his own former 
cabinet. 

PORTIA. [Her hand on his shoulder.] My friend, would you judge 
the twelve apostles by Judas Iscariot? 

DEMOCRATIC. The American people are not likely to place a new 
lease of power into the hands of the hottest headed men who have 
ever undertaken the guidance of a republic. [Bowing low.] On the 
political stage, I am your biterest enemy — outside of politics, I am 
and always will be your devoted admirer — your slave, and in your 
power. Don't ask me to do anything for you, for if you do, T am 
sure to do whatever you ask, and get myself into trouble. 

PORTIA. [Her hand on his shoulder.] How delightful, how gal- 
lant. This is real Twentieth Century chivalry !... [Nudging him.]. I 
do ask for yotir help, even at the risk of getting into trouble. What if 



ACT THREE ^o 

you do get into difficulty with your party and your editor? A man's 
real value to the world can be measured by the amount of the struggle 
and personal disadvantages he encountered, and his public usefulness 
generally begins where selfishness ends. [Enter ^^iaurice.] 

[Her hands widely extended.] Come, give me your hands and join 
our cause, onward, onward together for the union of all who love 
in the service of all who suffer. [Her hands on the reporters' shoul- 
ders both sides of her.] 

Let us rise above the surrounding iniquities and a'bominations. for 
the new birth of freedom. The time has come, the»day is at hand. 

[Her eyes full of life and fire, the entire body radiating determina- 
tion and force.] 

"Ring out the old, ring in the new. 
Ring out the false, ring in the true." 
From now on, let this be our watchword : 

PROGRESSIVES OF ALE PARTIES, UNITE^uniie in sin- 
cerity and truth, on .new lines and under adequate leadership. 
[The reporters form a circle around her clasping hands.] 
MAURICE. [Excitedly, waving his hand to quiet them down.] 
Your advice my dear is good, but it is old, very old, as old indeed as 
ze prophets demselves and as hopeless in our time as it was den.. . . 
[Gesticulating in his peculiar way.] Ze working class wants to own 
ze tools, zey work wid and in (lis way secure for demselves all ze 
profits, all ze wealth zey produce . . . ze capitalist class is organized 
politically and economically to perpetuate itself as ze ruling class and 
keep ze order in subordination. . .Each ridicules ze views of ze oder as 
to de ownership of de sources and the means of wealth. Der is a 
chasm between dem which will be bridged over some day, my dear, not 
wid ballots, but bullets; oui, oui, my dear bullets and plenty of dem!. . . 
PORTIA. [Placing her R hand on Maurice's shoulder and quieting 
him down.] My dear, excitable, rebellious Maurice. We do not pro- 
pose to deliver the kingdom of a political heaven by return mail after 
the ballot in our favor is cast, nor to solve by the mere pressing of a 
button all the burning issues and problems of the day, but merely to 
climb a step higher on the ladder of social usefulness and regeneration. 
In union there is strength and at no other, time in American history 
was there a greater oportunity for a new party, catering to the greatest 
good of the greatest number, a party boss-ridden and nation-wide, a 
party of the people, by the people, and for the people, far from pre- 
judice or favor of what is or has been. . . 

PROGRESSIVE. [Applauding vigorously.] Right you are: fine; 
splendid, bully ! 




64 PORTIA IN POUT 

015 905 333 ■g" 

DEMOCRATIC. [Sneeringly.j You will find the following of your 
new party largely composed of disappointed office seekers and their 
followers, political vagrants and riff raff, all of them. 

REPUBLICAN. [Pointing to Maurice.] The Marquis is perfectly 
right; a new party could no longer be a friend of both sides of capital 
and labor alike, than you could hitch together two horses running in 
oposite directions. 

IND. DEMOCRAT. [To Portia, cordially.] I admire the excellent 
qualities of your observations, but admiration does not mean affiliation. 
I tell you the political winds are blowing a black huricane towards 
democracy. 

MAURICE. [Playfully petting her.] Dere is never a rush my dear, 
to get aboard a new ship before its stability is assured and exact des- 
tination^ known particularly tvhen dere are so many oder regular 
liners fiying de "Homeward bound" [gesticulating] and wid crews and 
officers enthusiastic. Dey will call it the chaff of Socialism, the un- 
certain by-ways of emotional morality. [Gesticulating.] A crazy-quilt 
platform!. . . 

PORTIA. [Taking out handkerchief from Maurice's upper coat 
pocket, wiping the perspiration off her hands, then returning hand- 
kerchief to its former position emphatically.] Let them. Our cause 
is right, and our party will soon enshrine itself in the nation's heart 
haloed with its devotion, love and respect as a party seeking modern 
methods for modern people, believing in sincerety, honesty and sim- 
plicity in government affairs. As a party, standing for the preserva- 
tion of good and elimination of evil wherever they exist, being explicit 
• and direct on what it proposes to do, whose keynote will be service to 
mankind and love of country its burning fire. [Slaping Maurice on 
the back, then facing reporters.] [Bus.] We realize that we have a 
hard fight ahead of us, but the harder the fight the sweeter will be our 
victory. 

[Reporters deeply impressed, come forward shaking hands and 
bowing respectfully as they exit.] 

PROGRESSIVE. [As he exits.] Good luck to our prospective 
political baby ! 

[The three others together, shouting as they exit.] GOOD LUCKr 
* * * * -**** + * 

Convincing Iierself that they are alone, and thoroughly exhausted 
from the strain of the evening, Portia buries her head on her husband's 
chest, her hands on his shoulders, 

as the curtain slowly falls. 



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"015 905 339 8 ^j 



HoUinger Corp. 
pH 8.5 



